Help Alleviate Separation Anxiety in Your Child
As an employee of Headstart, I have witnessed many a child cry, kick, scream and /or crawl into a corner in fear of being left by their parent. What I have observed in most cases is that the child soon realizes that school is ok and that his parent will return. I have, however, seen the extreme many times in the last 9 years. In the extreme, the child cries EVERY day they are left. Most of those cry for just a short period then move on, but some actually are upset the entire school day.
I have had most of of my experience with separation anxiety in my role as child care provider. There are things that both the provider and parent can do to alleviate separation anxiety. No matter what the age, a parent needs to let the child know ahead of time that they child is going to be left ain the care of someone else. Explain as much as possible where you will be and that you will return. A parent needs to establish their own special “good-bye ritual” with their child/ren. I highly recommend the book “Conscious Discipline” by Dr. Becky Bailey for ideas on good-bye rituals. Another good suggestion is to allow your child to bring their favorite toy, blanket, cup etc along with them.
Below are tips on saying good-bye to your child taken from a newsletter from Preschool Parent Press:
Be understanding–Help your child put his/her feelings into words. Example: “I know that you’ll miss me, I will miss you too.”
Accept your child’s behavior–Avoid teasing, chastising, and criticizing. Stay away from offering bribes.
Be Positive–Show your child that you believe that this will be a fun experience for him/her once she/he gets used to it.
Be reassuring–Tell your child that the preschool staff like children, understand his/her feelings, and are there to help.
Be firm–Lingering and dawdling only make it more difficult for your child to separate. Say a warm good-bye and when you’ll see each other again.
The Education Center Inc. recommends these 2 books to read with your child before leaving them for the first time: Will You Come Back For Me? by Ann Tompert and Even If I Spill My Milk? by Anna Grossnickle.
As a child care provider I try to do my part to alleviate the anxiety. If I can tell right away that a child is going to have trouble separating, I start talking to the child while the parent is still holding her or close by. I assure the child that I am going to take care of them and we will find lots of fun things to do. If calming them requires me to hold them and keep assuring them, that is what I do. With some children I must stay with them the entire time the parent is gone. Another thing I do is show excitement when the parent returns. For me, a key issue is not to change providers on the child until the separation anxiety is under control. Allowing the child to become comfortable with, and rely on the child care provider really helps.
