Help Your Teen Overcome Shyness
I believe that shyness is harder on women, than men. Men can get away with keeping to themselves and not being sociable. Women are looked down upon, (usually by other women), and considered stuck-up if they do not take part in conversations with others. Shyness can also leave the impression that you are unfriendly and do not want to be bothered; thus others may not even invite you into a conversation.
Extreme shyness can affect a young girl’s life. Shy girls tend to hold back in voicing opinions or speaking to others. Therefore they miss out on opportunities to meet new people their age and lead a balanced social life. Loneliness and depression may also result from shyness. For teenagers it is normal to want to spend weekends and free time with other teens. The shy teen may discover that their peers do not include them when making plans to hang out; and because a shy person holds back from taking the initiative, they may spend a lot of time alone. For some spending time alone is a welcome mat. However, for those who want companionship and friendship, loneliness can feel like a serious illness that needs to be cured.
Overcoming shyness takes time and effort, but it is achievable. It’s all about confidence. The shy person usually lacks self-confidence. They think that everybody else is looking down on them, waiting for them to make a mistake, or that others can do things better. Before change is to be made the first thing that must occur is a desire – the desire, the want, and the will to change. The second thing that must happen is all negative thoughts and self consciousness has to stop. A shy person must realize that the fears they have are unrealistic. The truth is everyone will not be looking down or judging you. If anything, they will be too worried with how they look and sound. For that small percentage who may scrutinize your every move and word – they have the problem, not you. These are more than likely the people who have low-esteem themselves and it makes them feel better or superior if they can make you sweat. Why give them the satisfaction? Keep your head high and realized they are no closer to perfection than you are
Another characteristic of a shy person is avoiding social settings fearing that they will not know what to say in a conversation. An easy fool proof way to succeed in any social situation is to be the first to speak. A simple hello and a smile will take you a long way. If you get a hello back from the person use this as an opportunity to compliment their hairstyle or outfit. This can break the ice and small talk can develop. However, if you do not get a hello and the person instead ignores you, wipe the dust off your feet and move to the next person. In situations where you know that you are going to be spending extended time with others, instead of getting nervous, prepare in advance what you may say to the other person. Find out some of their interest, where they work, where they are from, etc. Simple questions could lead into a conversation. Once the initial small talk has passed it becomes easier to have a discussion. It is also important to remember that a conversation is a two-way street. If the other person gives you one word answers that make it impossible to have a conversation – leave it alone. If an awkward silence develops, realize that you did your part by putting forth an effort.
In my early teen’s I had a problem with shyness and one way I got over it was by role playing. One day I decided that I was tired of living in my shell and I wanted to be more outgoing and friendly. After days of building up my confidence I took a leap of faith and decided that when I left my house that day I was going to be a different person, a person who was not afraid to speak to others and who would shine with confidence. I called this person my shadow – and it worked.
Before this moment I never truly understood the power of positive thinking or confidence. Not only do these two qualities contribute to you drawing close to others, but others also draw close to people who possess these traits. At first I was nervous, mostly due to fear of making myself look like a fool. However, once I opened my mouth and let my shadow do the talking for me, I became a new person. For the first time in my life I was having conversations with people I did not know well; I even had others who I normally would not have in depth conversations with grab my attention. The more I talked and smiled, the more I felt my confidence rise. I promised myself that I would never go back to the person I was prior to that day – and I haven’t.
There is no overnight cure for shyness, or low self-confidence, however by training the mind to think more positive and being comfortable in one’s own skin you will be able to overcome the problem. Self-confidence is a powerful thing to possess. When you have it you can achieve anything, even something as crippling as shyness.
