Helping Children Adjust to a New Arrival

The anticipation of a new baby’s arrival can be a happy and confusing time for members of a family. For adults the transition is not as complicated because they have an idea of what to expect. However, the older children can feel one of two ways. They are either eager for the new baby or they are bitter. Many children beg their parents to have another child because they want to experience having a younger brother or sister. Even for those anxiously waiting, the arrival of the infant can present some challenges that parents may not know how to deal with off hand. Everyone in the family will have to make changes when the baby arrives. These changes are potentially more difficult for siblings who were once the only child or the baby of the family. Thoughts of having their spot snatched away or becoming the forgotten child are possibilities. However there are steps that the parents can take to help ensure that the changeover is smooth, and that no one feels left out.

Let Child Participate in Planning. When parents are ready to explain to the other sibling(s) that a new baby will come, it is important to be completely honest and be realistic when talking about what to expect. They must understand in advance that the baby may take up a lot of time, but this will only be for a little while. Prepare the child for the baby crying during the night and needing attention. Guarantee the child that although you will be spending a great deal of time with the new baby, they are still loved and special.

Parents could also allow the older children to participate in deciding what color to decorate the new baby’s room, what furniture to choose, and outfits that the baby could wear. Letting the older child be a part of decision making for the baby will assure them that they are still a valued member of the family. Parents should hold in mind that younger children may have difficulty understanding the time frame in which the new baby is to arrive. Instead of saying the new baby will arrive in March or in two months, associate the arrival with a season. If it is autumn and the baby is due in June, tell the child that the baby will come in the spring time or when school lets out for the summer.

Anticipate Acts of Regression. In a nutshell the older child may revert to acting like a baby. Although normal this is quite frustrating for parents. Despite frustration parents should be sympathetic. The older child recognizes that the baby receives attention by crying and whining, thus they resort to this type of behavior to compete. Typical acts of regression include wanting a bottle, wetting self, whining, and throwing tantrums. To resolve the problem parents may continually remind the older child of the things he/she is able to do. For example, they are able to walk, play outside, ride a bike, communicate, etc. If the child is old enough to understand reasoning, explain that the baby only cries because he/she is not able to speak. Help the child to realize that they should feel fortunate and thankful that they are no longer an infant who is unable to communicate their wants.

Keep Change to a Minimum. Children are slower to adapt to change. Therefore it is wise for parents to make any changes required a gradual process. Do not wait until the new baby has arrived to wean or potty train older children. Many parents make the mistake of “babying” the older child throughout the whole pregnancy, than when the new baby arrives they suddenly want the older child to grow up and be a big boy or girl. Children adjust better when given a little at a time. Use the pregnancy months as the time to potty train, get the child to dress their self, clean up after their self, etc.

Create Special Time with Parents. Parents should set aside some one-on-one time with each of the older children. In hindsight this may be difficult especially with working and caring for a household. The time allotted does not have to be a lot. If you have an errand to run, take the child with you. While the new baby sleeps, read a story, or watch television together. A new baby takes up a lot of time and sometimes older children become resentful. Knowing how to balance the time will minimize jealously.

Give Gifts to Older Children. After the birth of the new baby family and friends will be giving the baby a lot of attention. To help the older child not feel excluded parents could give special big brother or big sister gifts. Emphasize the importance of the older child’s new role.

Let Them Get Involved. If the sibling is old enough parents may want to allow them to help in caring for the baby. Parents should show child how to hold the baby correctly, how to feed, and how to change diapers. Participating in the daily routine of caring for the infant can help the sibling develop a bond with the baby. This can also ease any nervousness or uncomfortable feelings toward the baby.

Many older siblings feel vulnerable because they are no longer the center of attention. Parents should bear in mind that although the new baby is a joy in their eyes, this feeling may not be shared with the other children in the household. Despite mixed emotions the transition of having a new arrival will be easier if parents acknowledge and value the child’s feelings and put forth effort to attain a fair balance between both kids.