Helping Gifted Children Get Along with Others
Jessica’s body language revealed her every thought and ninety-percent of the time her every thought reflected her impatience with the rest of the world. Her slumped posture and look of disgust would make any teacher cringe. It said “this is so boring!” Mr. Muggli was a creative teacher and put a great deal of time into planning activities that were open-ended and stimulating. He knew that Jessica was very bright and he tried to make accommodations for her…but Mr. Muggli had feelings too. He wanted to feel appreciated for all his efforts and most of his students did express that appreciation. Jessica did not, however, and he was frustrated. She seemed to him to be very spoiled. If everything was not done just to her liking, the look on her face was cutting.
One day he took her aside and asked her how she felt about the activities they were doing. She didn’t try to hide her feelings. She gave him a verbal list of everything she didn’t like. When asked if she would rather work independently, she said no. She wanted to be with the rest of the class, but wanted to be involved in activities she would enjoy.
Anthony
Anthony was an incredible reader. When he entered kindergarten, he was capable of reading at the sixth-grade level. In addition to being a highly accomplished reader, he seemed to remember everything he read. Ms. Hernandez was faced with a very challenging situation. Because Anthony was so knowledgeable, he had much to contribute to every class discussion. In fact, he had so much to contribute that he wanted to dominate the entire discussion and had little tolerance for the contributions of his classmates. In turn, the other students in the class looked at Anthony as an “odd ball.” Since he was not like everyone else, the boys and girls excluded him from their activities.
Samuel
Samuel was a great organizer and problem solver. His desk was neat, his room was neat and his appearance was neat. Samuel’s problems arose when he wanted to organize everyone around him. His fellow students didn’t like Samuel telling them everything to do. They liked the way they were doing things already. Rather than having a persuasive nature, Samuel tended to be bossy. Samuel’s mind was always busy creating new games. At recess he tried to get others involved in these games, but he rarely let any of the other children offer any input. It had to be his way or he would get angry.
The Problem-Getting Along With Others
While most gifted students have very good social skills, some gifted children have trouble getting along with others. This difficulty may be attributed to issues related to their high ability. These issues may include�¯�¿�½
� Low tolerance for the thoughts and styles of others
� Conviction that their way is the only way
� Divergent thinking styles
� Intense interests
� Higher knowledge level than their age mates
� Desire to organize people and their activities
While it is important to understand that these issues may cause some social difficulties, these traits should not be used as an excuse to permit bad behavior. Most often, children want to fit in with their peers. We can help them by teaching them to
� Respect other children and adults
� Be tolerant of different opinions and ideas
âÂ?¢ Be considerate of other’s feeling
� Exhibit positive leadership skills
� Realize what constitutes appropriate behavior
Advice for Parents
Good social skills are important for everyone, gifted or not. Children often need help realizing what constitutes appropriate behavior and you can help them by setting expectations. Limits need to be set and your child needs to be taught that for every action there is a consequence. If she behaves in an inappropriate manner in a public situation, she can expect those around her to react to that behavior in a negative manner.
Gifted children can make wonderful leaders; however, if their abilities as leaders are not pointed in the right direction, they appear bossy. Leadership skills are developed by helping children appreciate the feelings of those who are following. Help children to realize that offering to help may be more beneficial than taking charge and that helping others feel important and valued is critical. Role-playing may be helpful. Teach by asking questions like: “What do you think would happen if you…?” “What do you suppose they would do then?” “What else might you try?” Avoid giving answers, opinions, or editorial comments.
Help your child know how to be a good friend. Teach him not to brag about his abilities. Help him learn to give classmates compliments when they do things well.
Model tolerance at home. Discuss the differences between people and how those differences can come together for the good of all. Talk about different styles of both learning and solving problems and how they can all be good.
