Holiday Grieving
Holidays are a time for family and friends and having spent many holidays with them it’s hard to simply erase the memories because the person is no longer with us. Some mourners don’t feel like celebrating during the holidays because they remember the good times they had in the past, before the loved one passed. During holidays most families have traditions that just don’t seem the same without the loved one present.
There’s no set way to grieve and no specified amount of time for the grieving to last. Each person grieves in their own way, some for the rest of their lives. But there are certain things that you can do, during holidays, to make the time a little easier.
Don’t feel obligated to attend parties and festivities. If you feel as though you would like to don’t let yourself feel guilty. Life does go on and the quicker you get on with some aspects of your life the better off you will be, psychologically. If you don’t feel as though you can enjoy yourself do something else for the holidays.
One thing you can do, especially if there are others feeling the same as you, is to visit the person’s grave on holidays. Although this is very sad it’s also necessary for the healing process. Take a bunch of roses or a small Christmas tree and place it on the grave site. Some cemeteries don’t allow this so check first or you’ll find the placements removed upon your next visit.
Change the menu of the holiday feast. Making changes helps to develop new memories with those who are still on this earth. Change ornaments, colors, themes and other things that you used to do for tradition.
Spend time with children on the holiday. Children have such wonderment and excitement during holidays and it’s difficult not to smile when around happy kids. Although the kids and other people cannot take the place of the one you’ve lost they can help you put the memories in the back of your mind, if only temporarily.
Do something special in memory of your loved one like setting a plate for them at the table. Lay a single rose or even a photo of the loved one on the place setting. This will help some people but for others, it’s not ideal, since they cannot stop thinking about the person missing from the table.
Instead of attending joyous holiday festivities rent a movie that the loved one was fond of, or start a scrapbook with pictures and other mementos of your loved one. Or go do something the loved one always enjoyed, such as roller skating or driving along the countryside.
It’s best not to be alone on holidays but if you feel you must, make your apologies to any invites you’ve gotten and go be alone. Think of the person, how much you miss him or her, and what kind of things he or she enjoyed in life. Try to remember the good times rather than focusing on the fact that the person is now gone.
If you feel like you simply can’t cope with another holiday without your loved one seek help. Call your family physician or even go to a nearby emergency room. Don’t sit and contemplate what it would be like to join them, as many do during these sad times.
Getting on with your life takes time and a willingness to do so. Some people never do discover that willingness. Hopefully, in your own time, you will eventually see that grieving will not bring the person back to you and that you must move on with your life. Although it’s okay, even necessary to grieve, there comes a time when you should at least try to put the grieving behind you.
Many people find it hard to stop grieving because they think if they stop that it means they’ve stopped caring. You will never stop caring for the person you miss but you can make an attempt to salvage the remainder of your own life.
