Homeless Man Sets Aluminum Can Record

A local homeless man known only as “Fuzzy” set a Colorado Springs record today by collecting 10 pounds of recyclable aluminum cans. Fuzzy then sold his overflowing bag of cans to a local recycler, which earned him a crisp 20-dollar bill. The previous record was 9.5 pounds, set in 1993 by a man known as “Slim.” Fuzzy claims to have created more room in his bag by stomping on the cans prior to placing them into the garbage bag.

“I picked up all different sorts of cans,” reported Fuzzy, who claimed to have found cans that once held everything from cheap domestic beer to soda pop to potted meat product. “What people don’t realize is that you can recycle those Vienna Sausage cans,” said Fuzzy, who began his long day of collecting at 5:30 a.m., and ended at 4:00 p.m., just in time to cash in his found treasure. “It’s like people are leaving money laying all over the ground. I just got a bit motivated, and kept it up all day.” Fuzzy estimates that he might have found 15 pounds of cans had he not stopped in the middle of the day for a couple of naps and a few smoke breaks. Fuzzy also stopped collecting long enough to drink a 40oz of malt liquor.

Fuzzy also found aluminum foil lying around several local picnic areas, which he craftily added to his large garbage bag, which was sitting neatly on his makeshift cart that he pushes. “People forget that this stuff is also recyclable,” he said, lighting a self-rolled cigarette. “Aluminum foil can add weight to your total, resulting in a higher payout from the recycling place,” he added. “They’re also starting to package tuna fish in aluminum. Keep your eye out for that stuff.”

While trying to keep his favorite can-hunting spots a secret, Fuzzy acknowledged there are certain “hot spots” where recyclable aluminum is prevalent. “Parks after family outings, behind the Seven-11 on Platte, and down by the river. Lots of people are drinking at those places. Especially down by the river. You just have to beat the bushes, and be willing to get your hands dirty.” Fuzzy was elusive when asked if he would try to break his own record tomorrow. “I don’t know. I’d kind of like to spend this 20 bucks on malt liquor. Then I’ll throw the cans in the street so some other guy can get them, kind of my way of paying it forward. By contributing to the aluminum can inventory on the streets, I help out my fellow man. After that, I’ll pass out in the park for a couple of days.”