Homophobic Democrats and the Curse of the 1,000-Dollar Man-Cher in Atlantic City

I just want to sit back and admire that title, do you mind? Homophobic Democrats and the Curse of the 1,000-Dollar Man-Cher in Atlantic CityâÂ?¦ wow, I wish I could just find a stock photo that sums up that statement, post it with no “story” and just quit while I’m ahead. I mean, seriously, what can I really say in the body of this article that could even sniff the butt crack of that title’s magnitude? Then again, maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s not that funny. Why do I get so giddy over such stupid stuff? Hmmm, fodder for a completely different article. Alright, moving on, let’s get to that bodyâÂ?¦

This is a true story. Sure I took liberty with my title to get some readers on board, but I’m a marketing genius like that (don’t hate, player). Bottom line is this (is to early to bring out the ‘bottom line’, I haven’t even said anything yet, oh well): Ever since the Great Gay Governor Scandal of 2004, you know, the one involving Democrat Jim “So I was sleeping with the unqualified male intern who I made homeland security adviser” McGreevy, New Jersey’s Democratic Party has been a little bit homophobic. Up until now I never had any proof of this, it was just like an anti-gaydar, reverse feeling or something, but now I got the goods thanks to nj.com, the online home of my favorite NJ paper, The Star Ledger (the same paper Tony gets on ‘The Sopranos’). Here’s an excerpt from an article entitled ‘He was no Cher, and Democrats were not sunny’ by Tom Moran:

“She wore a slinky black dress with silver sparkles, just like Cher. She had curly black hair, too. And canned music so she could sing along with Cher’s greatest hits. But this was not your traditional impersonator. Because underneath it all, this lady was a man.

And that created a ruckus when she arrived at the Democratic Party convention in Atlantic City last week to sing and dance at the meeting of the gay caucus. “We said listen, this is Atlantic City and it’s a pretty irreverent place,” says Steve Goldstein, founder of Garden State Equality, the state’s leading gay-rights organization. “So let’s have a little fun, and be a little campy.” Goldstein had no idea what was coming.

Party leaders were not about to let the gay caucus fix this image of the Democrats in the mind of the public. Certainly not during an election season. So as “Cher” walked the hallways at Bally’s Hotel and Casino before her performance on Friday evening, the party sent young workers to tear down the posters advertising her show.”

I literally fell apart with laughter as I read this (perhaps it was a defense mechanism, but that’s another story). Just picturing young interns scurrying around hallways throughout the Atlantic City casino maze, ripping down posters supporting a transgender Cher impersonator, I don’t know, I found that funny. And why was this such a big dealâÂ?¦ A) They’re democrats; aren’t they supposed to be, umm, liberal and understanding of this stuff, and B) This is Atlantic City we’re talking about. What the hell is the big deal, weird shit happens all the time.

Can you say, overreaction? Frankly, I’m surprised this didn’t grab national headlines. I think The Trio (CNN, MSNBC and FOX) should be scouring the local Jersey wire more often; they’re really missing out on some entertainingly perverse, political news. Especially Fox News Channel, where were you guys? This had YOU written all over it: The perfect opportunity to beat the democrats at their own game. Where was the ‘O’Reilly Factor’ talking point on this? Talk about missing the boat. This could have been national man, I’m telling you.

Oh well, I’m going to see if this Man-Cher does house calls. What? There’s just something about a burly man in a black dress. And no, that doesn’t make me gay.