How Infidelity Can Save a Marriage
You sit there utterly shattered, your heart broken. You have just found proof your partner has been unfaithful. As you try and absorb the shock, rage begins to burn inside at the breach of everything you believed in about your relationship. Most of all, you wonder why and how this happened.
This article doesn’t deal with chronic infidelity. It is about the usual one time occurrence that can happen in any marriage. What causes infidelity? There are many reasons, including the “window of opportunity” type of encounter. You see this when a partner works away from home for long periods of time, or works in a highly charged work environment. Close proximity with an attractive work partner, can lead into infidelity very quickly. Stress, exchanging confidences and daily exposure enhance the risk of this happening.
Infidelity can be caused by stressors within the marriage: money problems, nagging, jealousy and negligence towards your partners needs often can trigger off an incident. This type of unfaithfulness is often a strong signal the marriage desperately needs working on, by BOTH sides. And, this type of infidelity is often the one thing that can pull a basically good marriage back together.
Yes it hurts, yes it’s a betrayal. But, if you have had this type of situation in your own relationship, you need to look at YOUR role in bringing this about. Sometimes, time and distance are needed to sort out the myriad emotions you both have. Using therapy as a tool is a move in the right direction.
In the case of the first type of cheating, there is little to be done to truly restore your faith in your partner. Mature people, who know how to honor their committments, rarely use proximity as an excuse to try something “different”. This goes for the chronic cheater. To remain in that type of situation is demeaning and dangerous. Consider HIV and the STD’s out there. No man or woman is worth that price.
Don’t let friends and family influence your reactions to infidelity. This is your relationship, and ultimately, your decision. Get help and advice from an objective source: a pastor or counselor. Above all, don’t react in anger. Take a long, hard look at what your true feelings are. Only then will you be able to make the right decision for yourself.
