How-To Prevent a Hangover

We’ve all heard of the magical drink that cures any hangover. You know the one, the Hangover Holywater, blessed by Kieth Richards himself, four raw eggs, half a bottle of tobasco, six crushed up asprin, a pinch of gunpowder, the rest of the egg shells, blended and drank while standing on your head naked. Yeah, that one didn’t work for me either. However, I have found a way to prevent a hangover completely, while using the money you would have spent on hangover pills to buy more drinks and increase your ability to sing and dance.

Honey on toast with a large glass of water also helps cure hangovers. It has worked for me every time, and to the best of my knowledge hasn’t failed anyone I’ve suggested it to. I know how it sounds, “random”, and i know this because a friend of mine said, “That’s random” when i suggested it to her. Well random it’s not, and I can prove it.

Over 80% of a hangover is dehydration, that’s why those hangover pills work, because the say to drink them with a big glass of water. Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “Gatorade is better for rehydrating than water”, and you’re right, but understand that you’re dehydrated when you wake up, not when you go to sleep. Water will be slowly absorbed by your system all night and doesn’t have any sugar in it that would further upset your stomach and raise your body temperature, starting the dehydration process over again before the morning comes.

“So the pills don’t work?”. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’ve been taking one for the team and getting drunk as much as possible so i can test all these ideas, and the pills seem to work, but they’re not cheap. At around $30/bottle of 40pills that they recommend you take two at a time with every third drink, they still leave you popping pills while drinking, and if you’re drinking alone then you’re probably not worried about the hangover, so now you’re publicly popping pills while drinking. Enjoy the company Christmas party, hope the boss doesn’t see you, he may want one and then think you gave him bunk dope when all he does is sober up.

Now, my reasoning behind the toast and honey. Aside from the fact that two slices of toast with honey on them puts you out of pocket about a nickel, your stomach will churn alcohol and acid (stomach acid you hippie) all night making for a very restless sleep that leaves you tired in addition to your other hangover symptoms. The toast takes your body a while to digest, expecially when you’re sleeping, giving your stomach something solid to chew on, and giving you the needed carbs to fuel a recovery. The sucrose in the honey is just what your liver ordered to help it process all that alcohol in your system, and with few other energy consuming bodily functions for your body to maintain, processing that alcohol moves it’s way up the list of priorities. The best part of all this is that not only will you avoid a hangover, but you’ll sleep like you took and ambien and had sex until it kicked in (once again I take one for the team to insure accuracy).