How To Review Movies like a Pro!
The number one rule of fibbing is to start with a basis in truth. In this case, you want to sound like an expert – polished, and unquestionably right; but you’re not. So, stick to something you do know (or at least like); movies. When it comes down to it, you probably don’t know much about movies either. You have never attended film school, you consider Vin Deisel to be one of the great actors of our day, and you feel proud that you know what ‘letter-box’ means. This is the big difference, however. Despite your complete lack of technical knowledge, you probably like movies, and don’t give a flip about art or poetry. Worry not – here are some simple guidelines to sound like a regular Ebert on a regular basis.
1. Actually see the movie – This cannot be stressed enough. You need to see the whole thing, from beginning to end. Trying to sound knowledgeable about any film you haven’t seen is like writing a book report from the jacket blurbs. You don’t understand the context of anything, you don’t know the plot twists, you haven’t seen the performances; you really don’t know anything about it. Trying to impress a chick? Imagine yourself looking like an idiot if her favorite movie is “In Good Company”, and you only know that there’s the one guy whose boss is younger than him – that’s what the ad told you. You will never get anywhere with her; nowhere at all. Study up – see the movie. Try www.netflix.com for a wide range of rentals or try www.fandango.com for tickets to new movies.
2. Know a few names – Know who the actors are, know the director and the writer. Don’t just know their names, know a couple other movies that the actors were in, know what the director has done; know what other movies the writer has contributed to. See these movies too. If you’re familiar with other work by the same people, you can actually sound smart when talking about how dynamic an actor’s performance was or what style this director seems to prefer. It may take a little homework, but you sound smart in the end, instead of just sounding like a smartass. Study up – get the lowdown at www.imdb.com.
3. Pay attention to the story – Bond movies are a dream come true for me, because they always deliver the three things I pay attention to; girls, guns and explosions. I don’t really need to follow the plot and it doesn’t need to be logical. Sadly, a Bond flick doesn’t qualify as high drama or masterful cinema. Hopefully, whatever art film you’re watching with your girlfriend will still be able to deliver in one of those three important categories, but probably won’t. So what do you do? Know what’s going on in the story. Who said what to whom? Is that important? Break it up into manageable chunks – beginning, middle, and end. What was the most exciting part? That’s called the climax, and while it’s not the physiological event you usually think of, it’s still the most important part of the experience. Study up – read an article or two about scriptwriting mechanics at www.scriptwritersutopia.com, a resource for the guys that really know this stuff.
4. Technical stuff – Camera angles? Shot composition? Why care about these things? Because these are the tricks and techniques, the principles and practices that make a film into something more than a crappy home video. All those Oscars that go to people you’ve never seen before go to the guys who know this stuff. Watch a movie, and pay attention to the picture, not the movie. What does the camera focus on? Does the use of color change the mood of the scene? How are things situated in the shot? Is the camera looking down on the actors or up at them; straight on or at an angle? If you can talk about these things intelligently, you’ll actually sound brilliant. Not just smart, but brilliant. In the eyes of your date, girlfriend or buddy, you will have moved beyond the casual movie watcher to someone with a passion and knowledge about film. You probably still aren’t, but you’ll sound like you are. Study up – Try watching scenes from different movies, but mute the sound. Watch for visual elements, pay attention to them. Next, watch a few movies along with the director’s commentary; it will give you a slightly better idea of what’s really going on in any given scene. Finally, read an article or two about cinematography. Check out www.cinematography.com for more information.
5. Have an opinion – You should be able to talk about any movie based solely upon the technical aspects discussed above, but at some point in the conversation you’ll actually have to tell someone whether the movie sucked or if it rocked. Either way, you need to have an opinion. Decide what you really feel about it, and give a little thought as to why you liked it or didn’t like it. Do you have a clear opinion? If not, watch it again and figure it out, because no one cares about a movie you don’t even like.
Follow these simple steps, and you’ll sound like Leonard Malkin in no time, and you’ll impress every video rental guy you ever meet.
