How You Can Avoid Pooping Your Pants

Accidents are a part of life, however they are typically reserved for babies and toddlers. As parents we spend a great deal of time teaching our children how to avoid pooping in their pants but what are you supposed to do as an adult when poop begins exiting your body and there’s nowhere for it to go except in your pants? Well, now there’s a solution for you grown up poopy pants people too.

Carry a Plastic Bag Everywhere You Go. This is quite the handy little trick. Should you suddenly feel a turtle head poking out of your behind, find a private place, pull down your pants and poop in the bag. What you do with the bag of poop is your business. I won’t tell anyone if you mail it to your mother-in-law.

Shopping with the Poopies. We have all had the poops hit us when we are out and about shopping and it is more than just extremely embarrassing. If this happens to you grab a pair of jeans off the rack and run for the dressing room. Select the room farthest from the front door and relieve yourself in their pants instead of yours. When you are finished politely fold the soiled pants and set them on the bench seat in the dressing room. Be nice and spray some perfume or cologne around to hide the smell and then get the hell out of there. Just know that you probably won’t be welcome in their dressing room again.

Don’t Poop in Someone Else’s Car. Seriously that’s just sick. If you find yourself squeezing your cheeks together in an effort to keep it all in find a damned bathroom or bush or something but whatever you do don’t poop in your boss’s (or anyone else’s) car.

Fertilize the Foilage. Most public places have artificial plants scattered around. When there’s not a potty close by, you can cover your lap with a newspaper and gently sit in the planter and plant your doodie. If someone comes along and informs you that you are sitting in the plants just grunt and nod. They’ll get the picture and leave you alone in a hurry.

Do NOT Put a Cork in It. Whatever you do never put a cork in your butt. See my article 20 Things That Do NOT Belong in Your Butt. If you have too poop and there’s a cork (or other stuffer) shoved in your rear end it will come flying out from the force of your poop explosion. This is a very, very bad idea.

Go Around Pantless. Now there’s an easy solution to pooping your pants; just don’t wear any. What’s the point anyway if all your going to is change them over and over? Be free as a bird and go around stark, butt-ass naked and let the poop fly.

There are some other very interesting ideas on how to handle poop once it arrives on the scene but they are far too nasty to list in this article. However, having said that, feel free to share your own poopy pants story with the rest of us. Happy Pooping!