How the Dating Game Changes in College
When you were it high school it was about kissing behind the bleachers at the football field, or holding hands in front of your friends, eating lunch together, and hanging out after school. When you go to college the whole world of dating seems to spin and turn upside down. When you are home your parents tell you who you can see, where you can go, and what time to be back. The minute that your parents leave you at college you are on your own. All of a sudden you have the right to do whatever you want, whether it’s dating the guy down the hall or going to the movies on a Tuesday night.
The first few days in college, of course we spent bonding with my roommate. We quickly became the best of friends like we had known each other our whole lives. Before you knew it we were talking about guys, which one was cute, which one had this or that. We had a lot of laughs over how boyish some of the guys looked. Some of these guys looked like they just walked out of ninth grade into college. But then there were the upper class men. Those were the guys all the girls wanted.
Well of course the first weekend of college there was a residential mixer and everyone was going to be there. My roommate and I must of spent hours getting ready. We played music and danced around in our room. By ten o’ clock our room was packed with 10 girls and we were all talking, while trying to get a look in the mirror, about who we were going to dance with. Just like old times in high school, but when we finally got to the social it wasn’t like old times.
Not to say that I was disappointed because I had a great time, but the guys were nothing that we expected. My roommate and I danced so hard we were glistening with sweat at the end of the night. But it seemed like every guy we danced with just wanted to get close to us, and I mean really close. I was thinking to myself “I just graduated from high school and now I’m standing here letting some guy I don’t know rub up against me.” My mind was racing. It was exciting to be so close, to be touching so intimately, my body pushed up against his. it was fast. Too fast, and that is how that dating game changed in college. It seemed like every guy was stuck in fast forward mode.
I was so naive. I remembered when you “went out” with someone for months before you ever got that close to them. I thought all the boys liked me. But after dancing with guy after guy for a couple of hours it was obvious what they wanted, and me and my roommate decided we were not those girls. It was just ridiculous to us that people were pairing off already and they’ve barely known each other for a week. Most often it was the upper class men guy with the freshman girl.
Some girls didn’t know any better and got their hearts broken. They thought the guy loved them and he wanted to be their boyfriend. They couldn’t have been anymore wrong. All the while these girls get their hearts broken and their reputations varnished, while the guy is celebrated for doing what he has done. Dating in college isn’t always like this. There are those of us who have successful relationships while we are living on campus. Like me for example.
I will be graduating this year and I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. The first couple of years I spent in college I developed more friendships than relationships, with males and females. I really spent time adjusting to my newly found freedom as well as the dating world. I remember once when I was a sophomore I invited one of the basketball players over to my room to watch a movie with me. When my roommate left the room he kissed me and tried to put his hands all over me. I said to him “I don’t know what you think I invited you here for, but that is not it. You can leave now.” I was so proud of myself. I wasn’t going to fall for that trick. After that I didn’t really invite guys to my room, unless that’s what I wanted to do.
If you are living on campus at college and you are planning on dating, you need to set guidelines for yourself. Make sure that you keep yourself safe too. Just because you know someone from a class or another dorm doesn’t mean you know them. Tell your friends who you are hanging out with, especially at night. If you are allowed, carry some sort of pepper spray and a rescue whistle. Know the phone number for campus police in case of an emergency and always carry your cell phone.
After dating my current boyfriend for a few months we began to get serious. We moved in with each other and we got a cat together. Just like every couple we have fights but we get over it and move on. I don’t know if he’s the one, but who cares. I’m happy that I found someone who likes being with me for me, not just being “with” me. Take it slow and you will find what you are looking for. Don’t rush into anything you are not comfortable or ready to do.
