How to Break Up with Someone Without Hurting Their Feelings

What could you possibly be thinking? Of course you can’t break up with someone without hurting their feelings. But at the very least, you can soften the blow and let them down gently, while cushioning some of the impact with some positive emotions that will hopefully leave the intended victim’s ego intact, and yourself satisfied with your capacity for empathy. Of course, you may feel that not everyone is worth the effort, but if you find that you truly do care about an individual’s feelings, despite the fact that you no longer wish to date them, then a few simple tips may help ease the painful process.

When you break up with someone, whether you’ve been dating for three weeks or three years, that person is undoubtedly going to feel rejected. It is usually the fear of causing this person any anger or sorrow that prolongs an overdue discussion in which you intend to reveal your feelings. This is understandable. You may consider this person a great individual, but romantically, it just hasn’t worked out.

So how do you break up with them and still remain considerate of their feelings? First, you should be sure to do it face to face. Breaking up with someone utilizing a note, a telephone, a computer, or any other means other than a face to face chat simply reinforces the idea to that individual that not only do you not want to be with them anymore, but you don’t even care enough about them or respect them enough to do in person.

Appearing face to face is difficult for both parties once the talk has begun, but at least you are showing the individual that your time together has meant something, that he or she means something, and that overall, you care about their well-being.

During the talk, you should address issues and concerns you’ve had about the relationship, and explain openly and honestly why you feel the breakup is necessary. At the same time, try to explain what you enjoyed about the relationship, or at the very least, the good qualities you admire in the individual. In this manner, the individual may be hurt by what he or she considers to be criticisms, but approached honestly, and balanced by positive associations, they can perhaps begin a positive bout of inner reflection and understanding.

An honest assessment of a relationship can help people prepare better for the next one, and perhaps serve to rectify a few negative qualities. You should construct your assessment of the relationship and your reasons for breaking up with someone carefully, avoided statements that lead the individual to believe that the breakup is all their fault (even if it is). Imagine what you would want to hear if the situation were reversed. Be confident and firm, and do not skirt around issues.

After all has been said and done, you should wish the individual good luck with future endeavors, and leave on good terms, even if you never intend to see each other again. A clean break is often best for both parties involved, and done tactfully and healthfully, it can leave both of you feeling refreshed within days (the healing process may take a while longer for the individual whom you have just broken up with, but that is to be expected).