How to Catch a Cheater
Warning Signs of a Cheater
There are many warning signs that indicate a spouse or significant other may be involved in or looking for an extracurricular fling. Some people have unwarranted trust issues, but more often than not, when a suspicion is strong and nagging, you are probably right.
Hiding Online Activities
The internet has made it easier than ever to shop for a new partner. Besides the usual ways of meeting strangers online, there are websites specifically designed with cheating in mind. For a nominal fee, site users can logon and find like-minded individuals looking for adulterous relationships.
If your spouse or significant other spends lengthy amounts of time online, it’s in your best interest to find out what they are doing. Yes, everyone has a right to privacy, but if you find your love interest acting secretive when online and minimizing or closing windows when you approach, be warned. When someone is furiously typing and pausing every thirty seconds or so, they are more than likely chatting or typing instant messages. There is nothing wrong with that per say, but if they become uncomfortable when you’re within reading distance, they are obviously hiding something – or someone.
I’m not condoning reading your significant other’s e-mail, but check computer history on a regular basis if you think your partner may have something to hide. Eventually, he or she will slip-up and forget to delete recently visited websites. Dating sites, websites for cheaters, and adult-oriented friend sites, no matter what the reason, are all unacceptable sites for someone in a relationship. Keep in mind that sites designed for cheaters quite often have unassuming names. Take the time to read website content instead of just domain names. If you do find a personal ad posted by your mate, read between the lines. Someone looking for a just a friend doesn’t describe his or her physical features. You might be surprised at what you discover.
Set up computer options for instant messaging so messages are archived. If suspicions are strong and you have enough evidence for a confrontation, ask the suspected cheat if he or she is willing to share. Someone with nothing to hide shouldn’t have a problem doing so. If they become nervous and refuse, a big red flag should go up really fast.
Phone Habits
With the invention of the cell phone, staying in touch with friends and loved ones has become easier than ever. Many couples and family members have their own personal cell phone, each with their very own cell phone number. How convenient for someone with a love interest on the side! They can travel with their secret friend and keep in touch in more ways than imagined.
If you suspect your spouse or significant other of keeping “in touch” with a boyfriend or girlfriend, take the opportunity to play with their cell phone and check his or her recent calls, missed calls, and received calls. By all means ask first. You certainly wouldn’t want to invade his or her privacy, would you? Also, when the opportunity arises, check his or her text and picture message archives. If they have nothing to hide, they won’t care one way or the other.
When the suspected cheat has locked-out his or her phone with a password, call up the cell phone carrier and change your bill to the “enhanced” version. There you will be able to see the numbers and general locations of all outgoing and incoming calls. Do this just a few days into the billing cycle, and if your spouse or significant other is receiving calls from someone who is more than just a friend, you’ll have the information in print. There’s nothing sneaky about doing that. You have a right to make sure you being billed correctly, don’t you? It’s worth the extra buck or two for that piece of mind.
When you find a phone number on your land line bill that you don’t recognize, do a little Googling. Go to the ever popular Google search engine and type in the mystery number. If the phone number is public, you will be shown the name and address of whoever receives the phone bill. You can also go to one of the many online phone directory listings and do a reverse number look-up. You might find out it was an innocent call, or you might need to dig deeper to confirm your suspicions. Mystery calls alone do not confirm that the love of your life is cheating.
Enhanced caller identification has made it nearly impossible for someone to hide their identity on the telephone. If you suspect your sweetie is getting sugar elsewhere, call your phone company and if you don’t already have it, by all means sign up for caller-I.D. Set up your line so it will reject any “restricted” or “private” calls. Those are calls where there is a restriction purposely placed on the caller’s line, either by the caller’s phone company upon request, or by dialing “star” and a two digit number before dialing. That will put an end to calls coming through from unidentified callers.
Never underestimate the usefulness of the redial feature on your phone. If you suspect your significant other has just hung up from talking to his sweetheart, hit redial. Politely say you thought you were calling the last number you had dialed, and ask with whom you are speaking. They might be taken off guard and answer, if you are tactful enough.
A New Concern For Appearance
A lot of people take pride in their appearance, but if your once overweight slatternly spouse or significant other suddenly and rather easily loses weight and buys a new wardrobe, it’s time to get to the root of the change. If someone who once wore granny undies or didn’t care if their briefs were holy every day of the week, suddenly changes to sexy thongs or g-strings, there might be a reason for concern. The “I’m in love diet” is a wonderful diet, but it doesn’t usually start a year into a relationship. Someone trustworthy should be commended for improving his or her appearance, but if your gut tells you something is wrong in your relationship, keep on digging. The truth will finally reveal itself.
Missing Time
Everyone deserves time to his or herself on a regular basis, but if your previously prompt and courteous spouse or significant other begins disappearing for hours on end without reasonable explanation, they could be trying to hide their activities. Alibis are often hard to attain, so if you can’t locate your mate and his or her explanation sounds like a bunch of malarkey, demand details and follow up on them. Despite this politically correct age of privacy, a spouse or significant other does have the right to know the whereabouts of their partner. Letting them know is important for safety reasons and is simple common courtesy.
Lack of Communication
If you feel as if there’s a wall between you and your mate, your relationship is most certainly in jeopardy. If the love of your life becomes defensive or angry when politely questioned as to their whereabouts and activities, chances are there is something to be concerned about. Someone who is doing nothing wrong would go out of their way to make their activities known and not become upset when politely confronted.
Keep in mind that some of the aforementioned behaviors may in fact be innocent. It takes more than just a suspicion to catch a cheater, but suspicions can lead to solid evidence necessary for a confrontation.
Confronting the Cheater
When you are armed with enough solid evidence and are certain that your lover is indeed cheating, you need to find the right time to confront him or her. The right time is completely up to the individual. It’s not easy to bring the truth into the light because once revealed, it’s impossible to go back. People sometimes ignore the truth for years because it’s something they’re not ready to face. They know their lives will certainly change.
Tell your cheating lover that you have evidence to support your suspicions. Let him or her know their denials will be in vain. He or she might not be ready to confess right away, but when they realize their efforts to cover up the truth are useless, they will likely come clean. The steps you take after that only you can decide.
It is said that love is blind, but reality isn’t. Don’t ignore the facts. It takes a great deal of courage to accept the truth and confront it. Everyone deserves a life of true love and honesty, and unfortunately sometimes those we thought we knew turn out in the end to be strangers in disguise.
