How to Determine Your Role in Your Marriage
If you live together before getting married, you may find things such as this simpler, as you most likely already have established routines regarding chores, cooking and cleaning, bill payment, etc. But there are other issues for consideration. You may have different notions regarding sexual activity, or how often you spend with friends rather than each other. Such concerns often do not come into play until after you are married.
If you joining forces in a home for the first time, it is best to discuss what you may or may not expect from each other regarding the above-mentioned and more. It is entirely possible that the lifestyle you and your spouse have been accustomed to are completely different, but that is not to say incompatible. Extremely different lifestyles can oftentimes compliment each other in positive ways.
One of you may be particularly well-adjusted to handling the task of banking and bill payment, while the other may be more suited housework. In the past, these tasks usually fell to the man doing the former, and the woman doing the latter. But in today’s society, such roles are easily reversed. If either one of you has lived independently for some time, you may in fact be quite capable of handling everything involved with running a household, although you likely have different ways of handling such tasks.
You will both be able to learn from each other, finding new and efficient ways of handling things, as well as become experts at time management. For example, find yourself with a few extra minutes of time in the morning? How about washing the dishes left over from the night before, or collecting the trash? Although it is a fact of life and a necessary for a clean household, no one actually wants to spend a day at work only to come home to be faced with more chores. And as more and more couples are both at work during the day, this is exceedingly commonplace.
It may be easy to erupt into arguments about who should be doing what and when. You may have expectations of your spouse that they are not aware of. No matter how close you may be, you are not mind-readers. You will need to effectively communicate your wishes without appearing to feel superior over your spouse. You are in this marriage together, you should not be ordering your spouse around as though they work for you.
Although you obviously enjoy spending time with your spouse, or you would not have gotten married, it is reasonable to expect that occasionally you or your spouse will need time to yourself or with friends. While your spouse should now be the most important person in your life, that is no reason that friendships should be dissolved and forgotten. You may have couples you like to spend time with together, but it is likely you both possess your own crop of friends as well. Spending some time to yourself or with friends is healthy, but you should take care not to neglect your spouse in favor of your friends.
Society has preconceived roles for husband and wife that do not accurately reflect the present. Your families may also expect you to act a certain way. For example, they may wonder why the man spends more time in the kitchen or does his own laundry, either hinting or blatantly disclosing that it is the wife’s “job”. Well, perhaps the husband enjoys cooking. And perhaps the wife has her own set of chores that need taking care of, as both husband and wife may be equally busy.
But overall, it is between you and your wife what roles you will play in the household. Every marriage is going to be different. While playing the traditional homemaker may have worked fine for your own mother, it may not be how you envision yourself, and if that is so, you need to tell your husband. Being a financial genius may have been an easy task for your father, but you may be less savvy. Your wife should know this. Again, in order to avoid surprises and conflict, communication is key.
Compromise is key. You must come to agreeable terms with certain conflicting ideas you both may have. There may be tasks neither of you wishes to do or is especially suited for. Regardless, they must be done. Remember, you are a team, and like a team, you must have gameplan. A gameplan that is clear and precise will help to ensure victory in your relationship.
There may be no way to precisely determine what your role in marriage should be. But open communication with your spouse will help ease the challenges of settling in to what will hopefully be a happy, everlasting relationship.
