How to Get Beyond Your Shy Self and Gain Confidence

You sit in the back of the classroom or the boardroom. You hesitate to raise you hand in class, even though you have questions and good ones. You don’t run for school offices or speak loudly in the cafeteria. You have your small group of friends – the same friends you’ve hung out with for years.

Whether you are a budding teenager or an urban professional, if any of these descriptions fits you, then you are in a shell. And if you want to be more, to be noticed, and to be everything you are cracked up to be, then it’s time to break out. Your life will be happier and more successful from a personal and professional standpoint if you get out there and start living it now.

Don’t wait until your promotion or your graduation or whatever milestone. Start right now.

Here are some tips on how to do this based on your stage in life:

In high school and beyond:

– do something out of character and don’t look back. For instance, join a group you would have normally not like the drama club, newspaper staff or soccer team. When you feel those butterflies in your stomach and the flush in your face, ignore it and keep going.

– speak up. Push through the fear paralysis and raise your hand in class to ask that burning question. And if you hear snickers or other unkind responses from your peers, instead of shrinking in your seat, shoot them a harsh look to let them know you mean business.

– swallow your fear. When that feeling – you know the one, the sick stomach, the stiff muscles, the lost voice – starts to arise, swallow hard, take two deep breaths and do whatever it is you fear anyway. Repeat to yourself “I can do this” and don’t worry what your peers think. The more confidence you display when doing it, the more respect you will garner from them. (And don’t worry if the confidence is just a show at first, you will be feeling better once you know how people respond to your confidence).

– tell them what you think. Good, bad or indifferent. If you think an idea is a bad one, say so. On the other hand, if you don’t believe something then don’t say it. Your ideas will be better received when you truly believe in them and can back them up with supporting reasons.

In college and beyond:

– be an active participant. You, your parents or someone else is paying for your education. Get the most for it by being an active participant in every class you take. This will help you learn more both from a practical and academic standpoint. It will also help you retain information better and keep you interested in class. Plus an added bonus is that you will get noticed by your professors who can in turn give great recommendations for internships or jobs later on.

– get out of your dorm. Study in the library, at a local coffee shop or on the school common area green. Why? Because if you are out there, among other students, sooner or later you are going to have seen the same people enough times that you will end up chatting and making more friends. And no one can have too many friends.

– get your nose out of the books on the weekend. Studying is VERY important, but so is having a life outside of the books. While you shouldn’t shirk school work to go on an all weekend binge (binging anytime is a bad idea), going out on Friday to a movie, or to a school event is a great way to round yourself out. And the more rounded you are, the more interesting you are. It gives you a greater frame of reference for conversing with others which is important so that people want to talk to you again and again.

– keep a journal. When you write about your fears, worries and apprehensions, it can help you work through then and ultimately get past them. Be open and honest with yourself so that you can address those things that scare you or bring on uncertainty.

In career and beyond:

– take credit and share credit. If you have a great idea, share it and talk about it. If someone helped you develop that idea, don’t forget to give credit where it’s due though. This is important. It is okay to toot your own horn sometimes, but sharing credit when it’s appropriate will show that not only are you a great thinker but a team player too. You want to be liked so that your company will value your work and retain you. Being a team player is a good way to do this.

– choose your battles. Don’t argue over every little point just for the sake of doing so. This will not benefit you in the long run. Chances are that behavior will get you labeled as difficult, hard to work with and ultimately not worth retaining. Instead, let the little things go and only fight for things that are particularly important to you from an ideological or practical standpoint. This will show that you believe in your work without being nit-picky about it.

– don’t undermine others. This is a hard one sometimes because people sometimes feel the only way to set themselves apart is by tearing down others. But honestly, that won’t benefit you much. Instead of pointing out the shortcomings of your coworkers to your superiors, be honest when necessary but let your managers worry about who’s a good employee and who’s not. You don’t want to be labeled a gossip or a brownnoser. This does not mean letting it go when someone is trying to undermine you though. Fight back by expressing your concern over the situation to your manager and ask advice.

– take criticism with grace. Defensiveness is never a good thing. Rather than going on the defensive when someone offers criticism of your work, ask questions and learn why and then try to make the changes they suggest (if they make sense). There is always room for improvement, so taking criticism with grace is great so that you can be a better employee.

– apply! When a job perfect for you opens up at your company or another, don’t be afraid of the change. Instead go for it. You never know what might happen and if you don’t try it, you’ll never know if you could have more and be more.