How to Help Your Child Grieve the Loss of a Pet
1. Don’t say, “It was only an animal.”
To many children, their pet is their best friend, a confidant, and a great source of comfort. Try not to discount the wonderful relationship they may have shared.
Do say, “Rocky was a great dog and a great friend, wasn’t he?”
This will validate how your child saw the relationship. Your child will be able to see that even grown-ups knew the pet was more than “just an animal” to them.
2. Don’t say, “Get over it.”
Let your child feel grief. By “letting it all out” the healing will begin sooner. Hiding true feelings about a loss may make the sadness linger.
Do say, “It’s okay to cry.”
Let your child know you feel sorrow as well. Talk about the time to be sad, and how the sad feelings will get a little better each day.
3. Don’t say, “I’ll buy you another one.”
To a child who was extremely close to a pet, there may be no replacement. Each child is different, however. Many children will ask for another pet right away, and for some that is the way to feel less sadness. But some will want to wait, and it’s important to respect the fact that they need to take some time before introducing a new pet into the household.
Do say, “We can get a new pet whenever you’re ready.”
Often children will feel guilty about loving a new pet right away. If you’re able to, leave that ball in their court and be willing to wait until they are ready.
So what else can you do to help your child understand the life cycle? Depending on your child’s age, there are many things to help them through the grieving process.
1. Hold a funeral.
Talk about the fact that the animal doesn’t feel anything anymore and that burying them is the best thing to do. Allow the child to say whatever they’d like and place flowers on the grave. This lets the child truly say goodbye and hopefully gain closure.
2. Make a memory marker.
Many craft and hardware stores now carry stepping-stones you can customize at home. Place the pet’s name on a stone and it can be placed in a garden or on the grave itself.
There are also companies who will create a memorial for you using personalized information.
3. Create a scrapbook or photo album.
Gather up all the pictures of your pet and talk about the different fun times they had together. If your pet wore a collar with tags, perhaps you could place the tags inside as well.
4. Donate to a Humane Society or animal rescue organization in your pet’s name.
Let your child donate food, blankets or toys to your local shelter. Take along a picture of your pet, as many organizations will display photos.
5. Volunteer.
Sometimes being around other animals is a step forward. See if your local Humane Society or animal shelter will allow you and your child to volunteer together. Often they need people to brush or simply play with the animals. If they have an age restriction, ask what you can do to show your support.
Losing a pet may be one of the hardest things you’ll see your children go through. But if you can focus on all the wonderful aspects the pet brought to your family during it’s life, you will set an example for your child that he or she may carry throughout life. Help them through the sadness and disappointment and show them that you understand the pain they may feel. Above all, just be there to offer a hug and some sympathy when they need it. They will remember how you reacted years after the fact.
