How to Help Your Child Through Losing a Friend
If your child is going through a rough spot in life, because a friend is moving, the best thing you can do is to listen and understand. There is nothing you can say or do to make the pain go away for the child – he or she must come to terms with the occurrence on his or her own. You can help, though, just by being there.
Don’t dismiss your child’s feelings. Pay attention. Children who are going through a loss are even more devastated if they think no one cares. Don’t try to come up with something that will “take their minds off of it”, but instead, state things you know they’re feeling. Saying something like “I know you’re going to miss her”, or “I know this is a really sad time for you” is the best way to let the child know you’re understanding what he or she is experiencing.
Many parents make the mistake of trying to soothe children’s feelings with rewards like shopping trips or going out to eat. This will teach the child the wrong way of handling emotions. After talking or helping the child through a crying spell, offer to rent a comedy or go to the park to hunt for cool-looking rocks. These activities encourage a child to allow the emotions, but to try to overcome them through healthy or fun activities.
If you’ve experienced the same thing, when you were a kid, share the experience with your child. Remembering your own feelings will help your child identify his or her feelings. Use words like “angry”, “sad”, “upset” or “alone” to describe your feelings. These words will help your child recognize and deal with these emotions.
If the child has not moved yet, offer to take the kids to go to something extra special – something they’ll remember forever. Take pictures and make sure each child gets a set. Make a special book that has everyone’s phone numbers, relatives’ phone numbers, and email addresses included. The children will each feel as though they are holding on to a small piece of the former friendship and gives them hope that there will be future contact.
Make the effort to help your child mail letters, compose email, or get the absent friend on the phone occasionally. Help your child to take up activities where he or she can meet more friends. Let your child know, though, that you understand their former friend simply can’t be replaced. Let them know it’s okay to make other friendships even if their best one is gone.
Children can have dozens of best friends in their lifetime – each one seems to be the only best friend ever, to a child. They will, however, learn to move on to other friends, if you help them.
