How to Keep the Family Together When One Parent Travels
My husband travels quite often and it used to put a strain on our entire household when he would return from a long trip. It was a bit of a challenge but we finally came up with some great solutions to make things run smoother while he was away and after his return. It takes a lot of cooperation from each spouse and a bit of extra attention for the children to make things work. We found with a little communication and a lot of understanding we were able to find a middle ground that made things easier for everyone.
The Issues
While You Where Out
If you are the one who must travel for you work there are some things you should keep in mind while you are away. Spouses will quite often feel overwhelmed and left to fend for themselves. They are left with the burden of caring for the children, paying the bills, shopping and running the house without a break from the activity. If they have a job outside of the home they may feel even more harried. If you don’t acknowledge what they are going through they may begin to feel resentful towards your absence. At the same time your spouse may feel “left out” and stuck at home. They may be envious of your quiet hotel room or the fact that you have so much free time after work hours while they barely have a moment to take a shower or take a walk alone.
Missing “Home Sweet Home”
The homebound parent will sometimes forget that their spouse may be missing home very much. They feel like they are missing out on a great deal of their children’s experiences and milestones in their lives. Traveling spouses often miss baseball games, the first day of school or family gatherings. While a parent is away they may begin to feel unneeded or they may feel like they are a “paycheck” and nothing more. When they return home they often times feel like an intruder in their own home and wonder if they should have come home at all.
Simple Solutions
Before You Go
Talk to your kids about where you are going and when you will be back. If it helps them to better understand, mark the days out on a calendar so they can keep track of how long you will be gone. Give them something personal that they can hold when they miss you. Let them know you love them and that you will be counting the days until you can see them again.
During the Trip
The most important rule to understanding each other is to communicate with each other. Make it a rule to call home at least once a day, if not more often, and have a set time to do so. We found that a good time to call was right before bedtime each night. My husband would read my daughter a bedtime story over the phone and then after she would drifted off to sleep, I would have quiet time to talk with him myself. If this doesn’t work well for your situation, videotape or audiotape the other parent reading a favorite story so the children can view it when they wish. Many toys and gadgets manufactured today include voice recording. These can capture a simple “I love you” for the children to hear anytime they may need it. Remind them that Mommy or Daddy still loves them, even when they can’t be there with them.
Homecoming
When your spouse comes home there are a few things each spouse can do to make the transition easier. The returning spouse may wish to spend some special time with their kids once they get home. This will also give the other parent a few free hours to relax. Plan a special date for the whole family to spend time together and then plan a special dinner or evening out with your spouse. Remember that your family probably has a schedule and it is important they stick with it. Try your best to go with the flow and get re-involved with your family. If you have been gone for a long time this may be very tough to do. Talk to your spouse and ask them to help you get back into the swing of things. If you make your marriage and family a priority it will easily weather the times when you must be away.
