How to Overcome Depression and Lost Love: In the Depths of Gloom I Sit
In the depths of my grief I had to rebuild my life and care for my daughters. Daily tasks became my anchors in a sea of cold despair. His leaving left me emotionally raw and the pain was searing into my very soul. I felt that he had rejected my love, my existence had not been enough to keep him happy and with me. It was difficult to separate his disease from the man I had known for more than eleven years. He had become his disease. Living for so long with this man who needed so much had drained me and made me unable to focus clearly on anyone but him. Now that he was gone, I could focus on my daughters and on myself. Loss requires one to deal with the pain, to deal with the changes that occur when loss is a part of your life. I had lost my love, and my man. I was alone in my home, the only adult. My daughters needed me to be strong. They needed me to make all the decisions, not unlike what I have always done, but they needed me to put aside my emotional trauma and to function for them. I relied heavily on my faith. I read my bible daily, sometimes several times a day. God’s Word inspired me; it lifted me and gave me purpose.
Depression is something common to the human element. We all face loss of some kind during our lifetime; the loss of a pet, the loss of a family member, the loss of a friend, or neighbor. Loss comes from death, from moving away, from broken relationships. Loss is felt by the young and the elderly. Children suffer when parents experience loss. My daughters could see my pain; they could tell that I was grieving for their daddy. Pain is inevitable and loss is real. How we parents deal with the painful days of our lives can have a direct impact on our children. Parents do not always have the luxury to recover from loss before having to deal with their children’s loss. My daughters had also suffered loss, the loss of their daddy. He had been there physically in our home off and on, and now he would not be coming back. They were relieved to have him leave, but as the months passed and he did not return, they began to experience pain as they understood he was not going to recover and return this time. This time their dad was gone for good. Out of the depths of my depression, decisions had to be made, income had to be generated, pets had to be fed; my children needed to be cared for and loved.
My depression was a necessary balm that had to be felt in order for me to deal with my loss. I had to have time to grieve. I needed to acknowledge my loss and to accept that my marriage was over. It was necessary to feel the full extent of the pain, in order for me to say goodbye. Once my pain was felt in full, and I could say that my mate was gone; then, and only then could I close the door on my pain, and open a new door to my new life. My Bible became my lifeline, leading me to a place of healing, and grace from a fallen relationship. I read the words and had hope that my life in Christ would sustain me. Someone I trusted to care for me until I could walk on my own again would hold up my fallen body. The veil of darkness did lift and I was able to put aside my depression and live once again in the light of my life. My daughters and I have survived the darkness. I am still building my life one day at a time, one step at a time, but it is being built.
I wrote the following poem to illustrate how my depression felt like while living it for the past year. It is wonderful to see it as my past and that the balm has served it’s purpose and I have been healed. If you have experienced loss you will possibly recognize the pit of gloom I describe. My hope is that if you have not experienced loss yet, that when you do; you remember what you read in my poem and my article and that my words will give you hope. Hope that the darkness for you too shall pass. Depression can be overcome with time, love and support from family and health care professionals. You do not need to suffer alone. Let those around you know about your pain, let them be a part of your healing. In your pain, reach out to those who can touch you with their presence.
IN THE DEPTHS OF GLOOM I SIT
In the depths of gloom I sit, twirling thoughts of gloom and doom
They dance, they spin, bringing me down, to a pool of cold darkness
Invaded by responsibilities and needs, I am pulled up all too soon
I ache for the man who promised to be my mate
He was supposed to be alongside me through our youth and our golden years
Why did he leave me alone and hurting, our love sealed to dark fate
The peals of laughter break the dark and I feel the warmth of their smiles
My daughters enter and my circle of light becomes a glow of love
The gloom is but a memory that steals it’s way into my thoughts but only for a while
Together we hug, talk, and share our journey of new dreams
In the depths of gloom I sit, knowing that my time is brief
My visits here are becoming shorter and I know that soon I will not return
My life is here with my daughters, and so I bid a goodbye to my dark grief
I shall not return to sit in gloom for the memory is but a bad dream soon forgot
And new life is full with smiles, laughter and purpose, so flee you goblins of doom
You are not wanted, nor are you welcome, I have no need for things that heal me not
The gloom is gone and my journey new, gone is the cold and dark, now is light
Reaching out to others and giving aid, I wonder what lies ahead and thank the Lord
He gave me truth; He gave me love, and gave me the power of hope to shine at night
In the depths of gloom I no longer sit, for time is a gift, and does not wait
I walk in light and fill my days with tasks achieved in love, and filled with grace
My thoughts now warm and full can at times without pain recall my mate
