How to Screw Up Your Relationship
You may be thinking that this is a really messed up title for an article, and it might be, however this is the best way to describe what will happen should you choose not to try the path on relationships I’m suggesting. What makes me so knowledgeable? Five children, one failed marriage, 12 brothers, 15 sisters, and more friends then I can count.
Where should I begin? I guess I can start with the basics.
Let us begin with ourselves. There is no way you can make any relationship work with out first knowing who you are. I don’t mean your name and address, I mean peeling back the layers and finding out what makes you tick. I have found that sometimes people tend to jump into a relationship and forget that they are two seperate people. One tends to decide that they like everything the other likes, the same food, movies, friends, and in the case of women, they begin to like sports when normally sports would cause her to break out in hives and have to be rushed to the hospital for relief! You must find yourself before you begin a new relationship. Men are more comfortable with women who are secure in themselves, and vice versa.
How would you go about finding yourself? That is an easy question. Spend some time with yourself. Take your self out to eat, to the movies, shopping. Find a hobby, join a book club, aerobics class, go out and find something that you like to do, or have even considered doing and do it! There has to be more to you then good looks. Remeber the old adage ‘Good looks may get you in the door, but after that you have to know something!’
Educate yourself. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Don’t be afraid to get a higher education for fear of being intimidating to the opposite sex. If he/she doesn’t appricate the fact that you are educated, then he/she is not worth it anyway!
Get in touch with your spirituality. Whether or not you believe in God, Buddah, Allah or some other form of higher power, you have to get in touch with your spiritual self. That is going to be what keeps you going when times are rough, or when you feel in doubt. Keep your faith, it’s a very important part of who you are.
READ!!! I can not stress this enough. There are a million and one books out there on relationships, don’t be afraid to read a few of them. These books are designed to give you different scenerios and different ways to handle different situations. some of them are very good and very informative, some of them aren’t. The big thing you have to remember here is that different people and different cultures have a different way of dealing with relationships. So keep reading different books until you find one that will suit you the best and that your comfortable with. Knowledge is power people, knowledge is power.
HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE!!!! This is another point that needs to be drilled into the minds of single people now a days. Don’t think that because your single it means you have no life, or that you can’t find one without a significant other. That’s just not true. Don’t be afraid to join a bowling league, take a few dance classes or go out with your friends. Having your own life will not only keep you from sitting home alone on a Saturday right waiting for the phone to ring, once you do enter into a relationship it will help you keep the space needed to keep the relationship fresh without over doing it.
Now that you have discovered who you are lets move on to discovering who your possible mate is. Please do not take this next piece of advice too seriously. Don’t pull an “I spy” move and go sneaking through the bushes spying on a potential lover.
However, I do highly recommend doing a general background check on your new love interest, before anything gets too involved. I’m not saying search for old addresses, maiden names and social security number. I’m saying check to see if this person has a violent background, see if they were arrested for Domestic Violence, Assualt, Rape, Murder, those types of things. My suggetion on this issue is to not inform the other person right away that your doing this either. It is for your own safety, no other reason. Again, don’t go out stalking, but if you find that your new beau has been arrested four times for DV and Assault, and has been incarcerated for it on more then one occasion, well then odds are that person is not going to change and may become abusive in the relationship at some point in time. You have to ask yourself if you want to take that chance. I wouldn’t. At the same time, be very careful not to violate the other persons privacy, don’t go advertising what you found, and if you find that he/she has no record, I would not under any circumstance tell them that you did a check. It seems dishonest, but it’s not. Like I said, the search is for your personal safety only.
Ok, let’s keep this going. What are some other ways to get to know someone? Hmm…the easiest way I can think of is to talk to them. Have conversations on something other then sex, discuss goals and dreams, likes and dislikes. Ask questions, that is always a good thing to do. Talking is the best way to get to know someone.
Well, that part was really easy! Now, what do you do when you find somone and your really into? T A K E I T S L O W. Don’t rush. You two have a lifetime to really get to know each other. Don’t try and be with eachother day and night. Spend some time apart, don’ jump into family gatherings just yet. Better yet, don’t say that your dating right away. Utilize the “Talking” phase. Spend about two to three months just getting to know the other person. Some quirks won’t show up right away, people need time to get used to one another before they feel comfortable enough to REALLY be themselves. So don’t worry about it if he doesn’t propose on the first day, relationships take time to build and grow. Remeber, if you want the relationship to last 50 years, let it take its time to grow.
Next week I’ll continue with “What women do wrong”
