How to Stop Worrying so Much
When we worry, we tend to have conversations with ourselves in our minds. This process helps us sort out what we can do about the situation, and what we can’t do. This then leads us to come up with some solutions so we can, well, quit worrying about it.
There is, however, a time when worrying goes to far. I know I am prone to doing this, though more so when I was younger. Exaggerated thoughts in relation to any scenario can, in some cases, lead you to irrational decisions or actions.
For example, your daughter is out on a date with a boy you don’t feel right about. A healthy worry might be, “Will he introduce her to drugs?” or “will he try to get her to have sex?” Most parents have this worry with boys they do like. These worries may lead you to have your daughter check-in once during the date, and will prompt you to set an early curfew.
This goes bad when your worries turn obsessive. Your thoughts may instead be, “Oh heavens, he’s going to rob a bank and she’s going to be shot,” or “he’s going to sell her into the sex trade.” Sure, these could happen in rare instances, but ask yourself if you are being realistic. These thoughts may lead you to denying your daughter the chance to date, and hiding her in her room until she is out of high school.
Obsessive worry is a winding trail in your mind that leads to the worst possible outcome. You may lay in bed at night, unable to sleep, while your mind conjures up scenes of doom and gloom. While worrying is a good thing, this type of worrying is not.
You may have this problem, yet you don’t even realize it. If people are always asking you if you ever relax, that might be a big warning sign. Too often, we feel the need to control everything in our environment to keep everyone safe and secure. This just isn’t possible. The only person you can control is yourself!
Sometimes worries are not focused on those around us. Many times we focus these thoughts on ourselves. We feel we’ll never get it right, never say the right thing, and will mess up everything we do. These worries, in small doses, help keep us on our toes. In larger doses, these can be crippling thoughts that limit our capacity to function normally.
If you think you have ventured into obsessive worrying, there are things you can do to correct the problem. These suggestions can help cut down on bad worrying and help you focus on what you should be worried about. If your worries are restricting your life, seek medical counsel. You may have a disorder or phobia that these simple steps may not help you overcome.
The first thing you need to do is recognize when your thoughts are crossing into obsessive fears. Once you realize you are in a state of worry, tell yourself to take a time out. Stop your thoughts right where they are, and jot them down on a piece of paper.
Once you have things written down, really take a good look at what you were thinking about in that moment. Are these thoughts really rational or were they over the top? This practice may help you to recognize these thoughts as they come, giving you the opportunity to stop them cold.
Give yourself a certain amount of time to worry. Sit by yourself for ten minutes and let your mind wander. Once the time is up, tell yourself you are done worrying, and move on to something else.
If you have problems stopping your thoughts when time is up, consider learning some relaxation techniques. It doesn’t even have to be anything fancy. Try sessions of deep breathing. Imagine peaceful surroundings as you breath and picture your tension, and your worries, melting away.
When you find your worries going off the deep end, you can also try to rein them back in. For every negative outcome you see in your mind, tell yourself you must also picture a positive one. This simple practice works really well for me, and helps me keep things in perspective.
As a last step, learn when you should worry, and when you shouldn’t. If you are lying in bed worrying about your son driving himself to school for the first time in the morning, ask yourself why you are thinking about it now. Is there anything you can do right now to help the situation? If the answer is no, then realize that, and ask yourself when a good time to worry about it would be. You might tell yourself there’s nothing you can do now, and you’ll face it first thing in the morning.
Once you learn the difference between good worry and obsessive worry, you will be in better control of your day. Remember you have a beautiful life to lead, and there’s no sense in wasting it on unnecessary worries. As my Aussie friends often say to me, “No worries mate!”
