How to Use a Small Kitchen
1. Buy my own, deeper sink, install it and take it with me wherever I go – -Costs $100 if I do the installation myself. (We are proceeding under the premise that all repairs and installation are done by me or some other free worker.) I go to Home Depot. There are many different kinds of sinks. Are all sinks the same size? Did I measure mine before I went to the store? Will the faucets in the present sink fit in the new sink? How much does a faucet set-up cost? Will the resident plumbing fit the old faucet-new sink/new faucet-new sink? Can a sprayer be included? How does all this fit with the resident garbage disposal? Where can I buy an easy to understand book on plumbing?
2. Buy an attachment for the faucet which will allow me some control over the flow of the water. I go to Orchard Supply Hardware. There are several types of attachments available. The cost range is $2.99-5.99. The most expensive one is threaded and made of metal. It says it will aereate the water; it has a swivel head. More control of the water! I buy it. The kit includes washers. I put it on. It works great. I love it. After two weeks, the aereator isn’t working. I take it apart to see what’s wrong. The washer falls into the garbage disposal. I try to get it out, but the disposal is so shallow and the opening so narrow that my hand won’t fit. Give up finding the washer. Put the attachment back on. It doesn’t work at all. It is now broken. Go back to OSH and buy the cheaper one. It, too, is threaded. Install it. It works okay for a few minutes. Then the bottom blows off and the little strainer is gone. Eaten by the garbage disposal. Last time I went to OSH I bought a backup just in case. For now this works. But for how long. And the water still splashes, just not as far as before.
3. And last, but not least, GET OVER IT!
I’ll bet you think that good cooks don’t use microwaves. I’ll even bet you think you don’t use your microwave to cook. However, what I found when I moved to my miniscule kitchen was that I depend on my microwave for all sorts of things other than warming up a cup of coffee. I use it to melt butter, chocolate, reheat food, steam vegetables, cook potatoes, even to warm something called a ??????log which I use to warm my feet and comfort my sore shoulders.
Having established that I was crippled without my microwave (which I thought I didn’t use at all), what to do? We know how limited the counter space is in this MK (Micro Kitchen). I went to Sears and bought the smallest (Micro Wave) I could find. It’s made by Sharp and is called a Half Pint. It’s square and takes up less space than others and has enough head room inside to actually put something in. It’s uncomplicated to use and has a built-in turntable. Coincidentally, the wooden cutting boards which I bought fit exactly on top of each other and on top of the Half Pint. I put a kitchen towel between the top of the microwave and stack the two cutting boards on top of it. The Half Pint fits to the right of the sink next to the wall where nothing else really fits because the sink is so shallow that the water splashes all over every time it’s used. (Did I already mention that?) There’s also a plug there and enough room in front of the appliance to set another appliance. But that’s a dangerous concept and it’s also another story.
Let’s talk about size. I was surprised how big all of the things I owned before in a normal-sized house look in my new place. It was necessary to buy the smallest variety of all kinds of things – things it never entered my head would be important. Chairs, stools, everything of the dwarf variety. God forbid I should own a couch. Only a love seat will do. I also noticed that I have had to learn to work with my elbows tucked against my sides to avoid spilling, nudging, bumping up against – – things. I think it helps to live in this place if you’re only 5’2″ tall. I bought what’s called a lobby broom. That means it’s half as big as a regular broom. I bought a deck mop, which, again, is half the size of a regular mop. These both fit my size, but would be ludicrous for someone considered “normal” in size. And I have to let you know right now: This is a one-way kitchen! If two people attempt to use it at the same time, you’d better hire a choreographer!
Coffee may no longer be prepared for 10 – now it is necessary to take up less counter space with this most important appliance, the coffee maker. Buy a four-cupper. Luckily, expresso machines come small. There are space-saving options, I know, to the myriads of appliances I own to do various tasks. One such is the Oster Kitchen Center Appliance. The machine gives me a common rotary base for a blender, salad maker, citrus juicer, food processor, stand mixer, bread dough maker, ice crusher, and food grinder. All these operate off one base which takes up very little space. The accessories, of course, also take up space, but they can be stored away until they need to be used. I find this to be very efficient in terms of money and space.
Walls become important hanging places to store things that normally would lie on the now non-existant counter top. That counter top which one would think would be wide enough to hold a plate and a pair of elbows has also been cut to the bone to save space. Cup hooks must be hung under it to hold keys and dusters, and dog leashes and purses.
The MK pantry in my place had been converted to hold a washer on one side and dryer on the other. Each unit has one shelf built above it. This shelf also happens to be the only place to mount my acrylic stemware holder. How to extend this storage space? Well, I already owned several small white plastic stackable shelves. I used those to expand this over-the-washer-and-dryer storage space. In the hardware and building stores there is an entire aisle of white-plastic-coated metal storage cages. I’ve used these extensively – -especially on the insides of doors to hold cans and jars of things. But when I bought a small one (four shelves as opposed to eight) and tried to hang it on the wall in the pantry, I found yet another fly in the ointment. The only way to get to the back of the dryer to check on it if there happens to be a problem, is to pull it straight out from the wall and crawl over the top of the unit and behind it. Claustrophobia incarnate! Not to mention the stemware dangling about. And in addition to all the other stuff, the shelf I mounted blocks pulling the dryer out far enough to crawl behind it – – – – – – and the wallboard is so thin and flimsy that it takes an architect to hang anything from it which will be weight bearing.
This wall problem extends to all the rooms. There is no space in the living room by the door for a coat-hat rack, so I buy attractive wall hooks. Then after I’ve drilled the holes and put the hooks up, I find that hanging coats on them pull them out of the wall – -not to mention having to buy super glue to permanently attach the protective tips on the hooks. If I don’t do that, I have to watch them fly across the room every time I take a coat off the hook to wear it. I learned everything I never wanted to know about wall anchors, their various types and sizes.
Nothing being sacred, they’ve stuffed the refrigerator back into a hole so that the teeny cabinets extend over the top, stealing even the top of the refrigerator as storage space. Another strange thing about this particular refrigerator is that the bottom shelf (you know, the one on top of the vegetable bin) is slanted down toward the opening of the door. That means that if I want to use the shelf, things are constantly sliding toward me, as if trying to get out! So I thought (mistake!)……the shelf is in backwards. Take it out and simply reverse it and all will be well.
I open the refrigerator door to remove the shelf and find………………………..that because of its positioning in the hole in the wall next to the pantry, the door will not open wide enough to remove the shelf! In order to remove the offending shelf, all other shelves must first be emptied and removed. Ever patient (who am I kidding?) I empty and remove the shelves, finally getting to the bottom one – – only to find that it is, indeed, properly seated and can only be put in the way it is. AND, lucky me, I got to clean the fridge. It needed cleaning anyway.
But there is hope! Because in this kitchen with the smallest of accouterments is a giant useless appliance – – THE DISHWASHER. Tell me, when you lived alone, how often did you find it necessary to have a dishwasher? What to do when I find one taking up valuable space in my MK? I go to the manager and say ” Hey, I don’t need this thing. Can you take it out and store it for me until I move?” When I asked this of the people where I live, I was told that they had no storage space. And anyway, what if when it was time for me to leave, they couldn’t find it? Then I would be responsible for replacement costs. But I used the old bean. In my dishwasher you will find, tube pans, bread pans, cake pans, pie pans, extra cups that there is no room for in my MK cabinets, either inside or hanging under them. I’ve talked to people who keep their cereal and crackers in the dishwasher.
Another secret to cooking in a MK is making things ahead of time and freezing them. This not only gives you gourmet meals in literally minutes, but it enables you do all of your “accessory” cooking at once and get it cleaned up and put away. However, one of the absolutes of operating in the MK is that nothing can be left un-put-away.
In Culinary Arts School the saying which is considered most important, which hangs posted everywhere you look is: CLEAN AS YOU GO. This seems a given, but it is surprising the different interpretations which can be given to that phrase. In real life professional kitchens, it is amazing the amount of work a person must turn out in a short period of time using almost no physical space. Space is always at a premium. A person must use the same space over and over again with different product. Thus, the space must be kept clean and sanitary at all times.
This also follows in the home MK. There isn’t room for more than one person to work there at a time, and even one person can’t work effectively unless CLEAN AS YOU GO is a very real practice.
I learned after trying to live in this place just what kind of person is expected to habitate it. I notice that the bathroom is the same size as the kitchen with a mirror taking up one entire wall. Even the toilet itself is miniature. There’s plenty of storage space under the VANITY! I also notice that there are closets in every room for all the CLOTHES! As a matter of fact, the closet in the bedroom is half the size of the kitchen. The balcony is twice the size of the kitchen. It even has its very own electrical outlet and sprinkler – and a giant storage CLOSET!
I suggest the purchase of an upright vacuum cleaner because it can be stored in one of the closets without taking up too much space. Just don’t get one that’s too small, or, unlike your apartment, it won’t suck. Oh yes, I forgot something. Apparently the person who lives here is never supposed to iron any of the CLOTHES, as there is no room to store an ironing board. Yes, I found an answer. I got a board that attaches to the back of any door, flipping up and down as needed. It requires no tools or drilling to install and the door will still close.
“So what?”, you say. Call me crazy, but I was under the impression that apartments were for living in, not just to use as stopovers. And they seem to be getting smaller and more useless than ever – – – and more expensive to rent. And let’s face it, most of us will never be able to own a house of our own – – – – – unless we move you-know-where (read: Back where we escaped from)!
So I suppose the only option we have is to go along with the program as it stands. But we don’t have to like it. We don’t have to keep our mouths shut. I don’t want to keep my Kitchen Aid ProLine mixer and my bread machine in storage. I do want to have my butcher block work surface in my kitchen instead of the garage. We have to stand up for our rights as people and as Cooks! I realize that the world is full of injustice, but in my life, right now, the saddest thing of all is the picture of me as The Cook Without A Kitchen!
