I Am Happy Man, Part II: 6 Steps to Living an Anti-Depressant Free Life

I feel strongly about this country’s need to get off prescription drugs, not in a Tom Crusian, psychotic way but in a let’s make America better kind of way. I have this little absurd theory that if we get all the kids off Ritalin ad all our adults off anti-depressants that the pharmaceutical wells will dry and all the political campaigns will be rendered penniless thus allowing the common man to rule this country once and for all. That’s a crazy notion, but its not illogical to think that the elimination of pharmaceuticals would lead to nothing but good things; namely the elimination of killer-drugs like oxycontin and the emergence of accountability among our repulsive ruling class (i.e., no more invisible problems to blame their, and subsequently our, shortcomings on).

There are 6 Steps to Living an Anti-Depressant Free Life. This list is real.

1. Celebrate Yourself
You can God bless the ego without the help of drugs in the same way you can embrace the Satanist without the dark lord. There is a way to celebrate you and your ego, minus any self-conscious selfishness. Be happy you’re alive, it’s a beautiful day.

2. Organization
Studies have proven that one of the best ways to combat depression sans drugs is to set up a daily regiment, a game plan if you will. If you are on a tight schedule or at least follow a to-do list, you are scientifically more likely not to get depression.

3. Exercise
I’m sure that everybody’s heard of this; I almost feel like a silly goat even mentioning it. But, again, this one is most definitely true. If you exercise and if you workout several times a week, you’ll feel better about yourself, and step 1 will be much easier.

4. Artistic Expression
This might sound strange, but if you express yourself artistically you are much more likely to feel happy. What does this mean, anyway? You can scream and jump around in your living, yeah that counts. How about painting a picture or playing the piano? Sure.

5. Don’t Have Kids
I can’t tell you not to do this, but swallow these on for size: There’s a population problem, people without children are statistically happier, if you don’t have kids you have 100% chance that the only life you’ll screw up is your own. And so on.

6. Stay Young
Literally stay young, find a fountain of youth somewhere. Because once you get old, it’s all over. Old people get mean and depressed. Do whatever you have to do, drink wine, read comics, play basketball, listen to rap, pop ecstasy, whatever.