I Do Not Understand Adultery

Please read and respond if you are the cheating spouse, the betrayed spouse or the “other person.” You may respond anonymously, if you wish. I have to wonder about Adulterers.

First of all, speaking of the cheating spouse:

* Do they actually “justify” their actions?

* What about divorce? In this day and age, you can do that for absolutely any reason. How can they possibly believe that not divorcing the person the are cheating on is acceptable? If you want to live like a single person, go ahead, but only if you ARE single.

* Do they honestly believe they are in love with two people?

* Can they truly believe they aren’t hurting anyone?

* What if they have children? What are they teaching those tender souls?

* Do they always believe it is the betrayed spouse’s fault?

* Do they EVER accept personal responsibility?

* If they do actually leave their spouse for the “other person,” what makes them think that the person with whom they cheated will not turn around and cheat on them, too?

* Is it truly, “Once a Cheater, always a Cheater?”

Now, for the “Other person:”

* Are they truly innocent?

* I know, it’s different if they do not know the Cheater is actually married, but don’t they suspect?

* Do they truly believe the Cheater will leave the spouse for them?

* If the Cheater actually leaves their existing family, what makes the “other person” think that the Cheater would never Cheat on them?

*NOW, if the person does know the Cheater is married, how do they justify their actions? Do they ever wonder about the betrayed spouse? Does the “other person” wonder if the betrayed spouse is truly as awful as they are being told? Or are they so gullible that they believe everything they are told, hook, line and sinker?

What about the Betrayed Spouse?
* Are they truly the last to know?

* Do most of them find out on their own, are they told by someone else, or does the cheater come to them in remorse (or fear of being caught) and confess?

* What do other people think of that betrayed spouse? Are they believed to be long-suffering or stupid?

* Do most betrayed spouses choose to try to work it out? Or do they hit the ground running?

* Can trust EVER be regained? How long would it take?

* Do they blame themselves? Do they blame the Cheater? Do they believe there is enough blame to share?

* Do they ever have “normal” lives again?

* Can they ever truly trust someone else?

* Can their lives be transformed by moving on? By staying?

* What about the children they share with the cheater? Do they tell the children the truth about the cheater or do they keep a game face and wait until the children figure out what kind of person their other parent is all by themselves?

I have so many questions. I would love to hear answers from anyone that has ever been involved in this kind of situation (again, it can be anonymous) or even if you never have, but have very strong opinions about it…. I would love to hear your opinions.