Infidelity: The End?
The answer has always seemed obvious to me. Infidelity should be the end of the relationship. Unfortunately, that is not always the case, and sometimes extraneous factors come into play. So when should infidelity be the end? And should couples be able to forgive and forget?
Children seem to be one of the deciding factors, which gives me hope for humanity. Couples who have problems related to infidelity worry about ending the marriage and traumatizing their children. More and more couples are divorcing these days, and studies show that the affects on children can be dangerous. But is it healthier for a child to grow up in a home where their parents hate each other and hurt each other constantly? Or is it better for a child to grow up in a positive atmosphere where their parents have decided they cannot live together?
I think that part of it should be about how the infidelity occurred. Was it one partner or many? Over a period of years, months or weeks? Does the unfaithful party appear remorseful for the act? This must be determined on an individual basis, and sometimes we have to face the facts: our wife or husband isn’t who we thought they were.
No man ever thinks that he will come home one day to find his wife having sex with another man on the couch. No woman ever expects to be called at work by a mistress who wants to reveal her husband’s dirty secret. Yet it happens every day. More importantly than the question of whether infidelity should end a relationship, how is it possible that we midjudge our partners so easily?
The fact is that, in my mind, there can be only one reason for infidelity. The only reason to search for sex outside the marriage is because your husband or wife is not satisfying you at home. That doesn’t mean that the problem has to be sexual, though in many cases it is, but that one or both members of the relationship can’t be happy.
This leaves you with two choices: 1. Fix the problem; or 2. Separate.
If you truly aren’t happy, I don’t believe that you should stay together because of the children, or because of economic status, or because you’re afraid of your family’s contempt. Married couples who suffer from infidelity do not have any business being together, because lives should only connect on the bases of trust, love and respect. You can’t possibly have an extra-marital affair with those qualities.
If your partner has committed an act of infidelity, my advice is to cut your losses while there’s still time. If nothing else, you should at least live apart for a while, until you can understand the reasons for the breach of trust. If you do decide that you can work it out together, it will take time before trust can be rebuilt again. I would recommend couples’ terapy for a while, at least until you can come to an understanding.
