Intimacy and Trust
Imagine this scenario: you had just come out from a messy relationship and suddenly you fall under the charms of a new guy. The love waxes strong. He asked one day when you had finished banging, ” how many number of guys have you dated?” Now we both know that you’re not a baby . Give or take, you must have started tasting the fluid from a man’s hose for, how longâÂ?¦.? there’s no way you would answer such a question without making yourself look cheap. But you’d always promised to be sincere with him, so what do you do? Yea, go ahead, do the little angel stuffâÂ?¦tell him the truthâÂ?¦laugh in that your silly fake tune that shows you’re rattled and smile ” Oh Charles, what a question! Okay, I’ve dated just 23 menâÂ?¦.” Jeez! Did she say just? The man who is probably seeing you as a little angel faints or smiles, but has already started imagining the shape and figure of the next girl he would go for. And mind you, the 23 she said might not be the truth. The number could be 33, if not more! I see your skepticism and it grieves me that you choose to doubt me. Don’t you know that some babes often-lose count of the number of men they had gone to bed with? To keep track, some keep a black book.
Look, the issue of trust is not something you reduce to a child’s play. We are discussing serious issue here and you’re asking the number of bedmates? For crying out loud! what would you derive from having such knowledge about your girl? It’s easier for a guy to tell about his hey randy days. Why?
Good question. Simply because he’s a man! Not fair, I know. But that’s the way the society is. He would not only spill all, right down to the number of rounds he went each day but would equally narrate the tale with a manly pride ringing in his voice. Once you have started a new relationship, please face it and forget about the past flings. Personally, I don’t think it is anybody’s wish to oscillate like a swinging pendulum from one relationship to the other, especially with that monster called AIDS roaring about, seeking whom, it would devour. Most relationships probably failed because some partners were real pains in the butt! Better leave, than clinging like a leech to them. they ‘d only make you cry!
Once, a guy walked into my life. Wanted to know everything about my saintly past� Hey, please, hope you are not the person whispering Rose has a dirty past�. I told him everything I felt was important but kept the unessential to myself. I mean why rake up the past pains and disillusionments I went through?
Months later, he kept picking holes with my story. I was pissed off. At the end of the day, he said he didn’t trust me. I never knew such a little statement could hurt like hell. But it did. Then he started imagining me sending text messages to other guys that went thus: “you bruised me badly last night!”âÂ?¦Did that conjure in your mind the images it did to mine? I could see myself with flailing legs in a tangled bedsheet. Lord have mercy! When and to whom did I send such a message ? was I in a trance? search me! I asked myself why the heck I had been wasting my time being faithful and truthful when all the while he had already made up his mind never to believe me.
This is part of the things that destroys a good relationship. Doubt and lack of faith. When you doubt your spouse, you might be stupid enough to do something foolish. Like start an affair on the sideline . Telling yourself it was fifty-fifty. Your guy just boarded a flight to the Canada. Your envy infested friends, who are interested in seeing the collapse of the relationship would, like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, whisper in your ears: “Are you there with him? Only God knows what he is doing over there? My sister, better get a spare part man. Your body is no woodâÂ?¦.” And like a fool, you walk willy- nilly into a new affair. If you have trust, whether the words are true or not, give your lover the benefit of the doubt, at least until you get him or her red-handed. Why give yourself high BP, on what you can’t authenticate. It is that trust that could wither the storms of the relationship for you. A gossipy neighbour told Betsy that she saw her husband Paul in a nearby guesthouse with another neighbour called Esther. She was a spinster. Betsy quickly girded her jeans and made for the battlefront. She indeed saw her hubby driving into their street with Esther, but not at the hotel. She flagged the car and with bouncing breast and shaking buttocks, pounced on the spinster. Gave the silly idiot the beaten of her life. Street on-lookers gawked. The infuriated and embarrassed hubby had his tie strung tightly round his mosquito neck by his furious wife. He left the women, went home and packed all Betsy’s baggage out of his home.
When family members came, he refused reconciliation, and lied through his teeth. Said he saw Esther on the road and like a good neighbour , gave a lift since they were heading the same way. Betsy like a raging bull went back to the gossip. Called her some unprintable names. Clearly seen is believing. As a married woman, once you find out that your hubby is having an affair, confront him gently about it. The solution is not to dash into the room and pack your property. If he cares for you, he would probably promise you that he wouldn’t do it again. Chances of his continuing would be high, but it is that trust that would make you tell yourself that he had stopped skirt chasing. Some ladies have a high degree of distrust running through their veins. They stoop low to riffling through the pocket of their spouse. Searching for clues that would show he has been cheating. Foolish woman! You have seen what would hurt you!
With trust, you don’t need to take blood oaths before you guys believe each other. Don’t say because Rose said you should sift the shaft from the wheat, and for that you keep from your current lover, earth shaking secrets .
A couple fell in love. They were heavy on each other. They claimed there was nothing they hide from each. They got married. At reception, they mingled with the invitees. That was when one of the female bimbos, apparently did it innocently, but I find that hard to believe. She asked the groom: “Oh Ben, so good to see you getting over Angela. What about your little daughter Agnes? She must be 13 now, isn’t she? The groom coughed and spluttered into his wine glasses. The woman thumped him soundly on the back and sidled away. The bride wore a deadpan face. The groom couldn’t meet her eyes. Alone at nightfall, groom goes: “Really darling, I’m sorry, I should have told you that I had a daughterâÂ?¦” the bride chirped in, “Oh not really Cliff, I had always wanted to tell you that I have a 17-year-old son, but the timing never seemed to be right. Thank God, it’s out of the wayâÂ?¦” she yawnsâÂ?¦. climbed into bed, while hubby became a statue. So much for trust! There are some men and ladies who, due to one problem or the other may discover they could never father or give birth. This is a major cat you just need to let out of the bag. It’s left for the person to decide whether the love he or she feels for you is strong love to do without a child. You may call me callous because of this suggestion; believe me, it would be worse if the persons later find out that you knew all along and never revealed it. A pal of mine did it. She was willing to lose the love of her life than drag him into a marriage she knew may never yield tiny feet. He listened and still insisted he would go ahead with the wedding. A relationship without trust is like a house built without cement. Easily crumples at the slightest wind. A poser for ladies: “If for one crazy reason, like being drunk or lonely, you had sex with another guy who is not your hubby or boyfriend, would you tell your man?”
