Jane Fonda and Lindsay Lohan: The Beginning of a Nasty Feud or Just a Little Helpful Counsel?

“I think every once in a while, a very, very young person who is burning both ends of the candle needs to have somebody say, ‘You know, you’re going to pay the piper. You better slow down.’ [Lohan’s] in the magazines, so you always know what she’s doing because you can just read about it in the tabloids. She parties all the timeâÂ?¦And you know, she’s young and she can get away with it. But, you know, it’s hard after a while to party very hard and work very hard. She’ll learn that. She’s so alone out there in the world in terms of structure and people to nurture her. She is so talented. Oh my gosh, she can access emotion like nothing… And she just makes me cry. I just want to take her in my arms and hold her until she’s grown up.”

There are two types of people who write articles for Associated Content. People who write about crap like this and people who don’t. Okay, I lied. There’s everyone else and then there’s me. I like to cover topics like this because, let’s face it, they’re hard hitting. Shit, they’re “LT in his prime” hard hitting. It’s easy to write a piece called, “Fun Ways to Turn an Empty Diet Coke Bottle Into a Cute Party Centerpiece”, but to thoroughly dissect the coming madness that is a celebrity feud is an extremely slippery slope. Alright, let’s get into itâÂ?¦

Was Hanoi Jane wrong here? (NOTE: In case you we’re born in the 80’s or perhaps just blindingly uninformed, you might not know about the Hanoi Jane nickname. During the Vietnam War, Jane Fonda went to North Vietnam because she sympathized with the Vietcong soldiers. Yes, this made her a communist for life, but more importantly, it made everything that she’s ever said, or ever will say, completely null and void. You see where I’m going with this?)

Of course, Hanoi Jane was wrong! Where do you get off saying things like that about my girl, Lindsay Lohan, you old hag! She is like definitely the bestest actress of her generation, I mean did you see Herbie: Fully Loaded? Jane Fonda is just way past her prime; she’s just old and jealous. She wishes she had the looks and swagger of Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan Rulez!

(TWENTY MINUTES PASS and I wake up next to my computer.)

What happened? I blacked out. I think the spirit of a 17 year-old girl took over my body. I think I binged and purged too. Multiple times.

Bottom line is this: Despite my out of body experience with that teenage girl there, I still think Jane Fonda is wrong about this. Her heart might be in the right place, but she should probably just shut the fuck up. Bitch.