Learning from Other’s Mistakes…Living Intelligently or Living Vicariously?

Growing up often feels like a rollercoasterâÂ?¦The bumps, the surprises, the screams, the cries, and most of all the alarming quickness from which you end up right back where you started. Life moves fast, and we are always looking for ways and reasons to live a more rewarding and enriched existence. Though the quest continues, I’m quite positive that no one has yet mastered the art of living a perfect and mistake-free life.

John Burroughs might have summed it up when he said,

“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.”

So here we are, some of us trying, some of us not, to make the most of the life we’ve been given. No lifestyle can be deemed right or wrong, because it’s a personal choice, and in a more objective view, only affects the person who chose it.

Let’s take a broad psychological look at different ways of life, and see why they may work for some, not for others.

I’ll begin by quoting an actual conversation me and my father had when I was but a young, naive little fledgling in High School. To set the scene, we were having lunch at Perkins, discussing my recent act of rebelliousness as I had stayed out 30min past my curfew. He was attempting a subtle, cool, Dad kind of lectureâÂ?¦

Funny, goofy, always tries so hard Dad:
“You know Nikki, Eric, (an only slightly older gentlemen who attends my churchâÂ?¦very straight laced kinda fellow) I really admire him, I wish I could have been as mature as he is when I was his age. You know, I asked him the other day how he escaped adolescence & the teenage years without even remotely getting wrapped up in partying or drinking or anything like that. I was so impressed with his answerâÂ?¦.”

Enticed Daughter:
“Ok, well what was it, Dad?”

Thankful that I was halfway interested Dad:
“He told me that instead of just jumping on the bandwagon & joining in with what all of his peers were doing, he decided to listen to his father and other adults from the church. Listen to their stories about how these things are only negative and cannot help you in life. So, instead making those same mistakes he was told, he learned from them and avoided all of that. He is definitely one of those kids you consider wise beyond their years.”

Slightly annoyed daughter:
“Well, I guess he is beyond his years, because he went ahead and skipped quite a few. Instead of experiencing things for himself, he let his father do it, and his peers at church. They had the chance to make their mistakes and learn, why shouldn’t he?”

Standing his ground because he has to Dad:
“I guess he made the choice not to, and he made the right choice as far as I’m concerned.”

Fed up rebellious daughter:
“Maybe so, butâÂ?¦.Atleast I’ll have more to write about.”

So there you have it. My outlook, and I’m sure quite a few others. For the pure sake of simplicity let’s separate me and everyone who is similar to me into a ridiculously broad group. Let’s call ourselves…

The Optimists

We go through life thinking anything’s possible, believing all things are innately good and mean the best. We’ll try anything once; we may try it twice if we like it. Dreamers, unpredictable, always are envisioning the next day to bring some amount of great luck that will change our lives forever. Anything is possible, and everything is for the purpose of our enjoyment. And although we enjoy the good in life and hope for the best, sometimes we may get way in over our headsâÂ?¦

Some examples of our slight extremist, excitable, optimistic behavior would be

• Compulsive buying
  *I once purchased a very expensive above ground pool because I heard someone simply mention a slip and slide

• Higher standards for friends, leading to more disappointment in the end

• Easily excited, easily disinterested (Boyfriends/Girlfriends especially)

• Taking on one or two or three too many endeavors at a time

• And last but not least of all, our sincere interest, love and appreciation for everything
  LIFE

I’m sure some of you can relate to this mentality, and I’m also sure that some of you are annoyed right now just thinking about the friend you have who has this mentality. Well, don’t be jealous, let’s move on to you.

Again, for the pure sake of keeping things light and simple, I’m going to lump all of everyone and anyone into just two categories. Now, we’ve covered the firstâÂ?¦Remember, the Optimists? The second could only beâÂ?¦

The Realists

You are the lovely, wonderful, motherly kind, always making sense of a sticky and unpredictable situation. We love you because more often than not, we always have to say, “Oh yea, I remember when (so and so realist) said that this would happenâÂ?¦Man, wish we would have listened”

• Maybe not always super fun, but the kind of person who is a good listener, and always giving the best advice

• Most people feel like they can tell you anything because you’ll give them an objective point of view

• keep secrets very well because you know if word gets out it’s you who’s to blame.

  *Most optimists really don’t keep secrets well; we’ll always end up spilling the beans because we don’t think anyone could ever tell on us.

Realists, even if unsure what they want from life, really have a knack at living correctly and unobtrusively. Always a pleasure, always refreshing� Really, realists, what would we do without you?

In a deeper sense, I’d like to make a very rough & brief comparison of how these two types of people I’ve described might fit into Freud’s look at the psychology of personality. One of his most well known theories is the Theory of the id, the ego, and the super ego. According to Freud, the id, the ego, and the super ego represent the three facets of the human instinct, desires, and thoughts.

The id is the most basic of human instinct and not dissimilar from any known animal’s instincts. According to Freud, only infants and young children are fully in touch with this word corresponding to the central nervous system. Freud refers to the “id” as “wishes.”

The ego represents what Freud considers the “secondary process” of human action, and is apparent in infants of age one. It represents the process of solving the problem of what the “id” desires through objects they can find to satisfy themselves. The “ego” has a difficult time discerning between what satisfies them, and what is good and moral in the world.

The Super ego represents our socialization through observation of punishment and reward, and our newly attained knowledge of living life correctly. I would say a more “mature” idea of what satisfies our “id.”

What I’ve described as the “Optimists” kind of push old “super-ego” onto the backburner and concentrate more on our friend Mr. idâÂ?¦

• Does that make us less evolved?
• Less Intelligent?
• More Insightful, less socialized?

If you’re a realist, you’d probably say something’s wrong with thatâÂ?¦.Because you are more in tune with your “super ego”

• Does that make you less in tune with the natural world?
• Robotic?
• Socially superior?

As I said before, in life, who’s to say what is right and wrong? Life is yours to be lived, and don’t let any super egos or ids tell your otherwise.

This is just based on my own little worm hole observations. Obviously, humans are multi-faceted and act in ways that could never be lumped into just one of two categories. But, just a thought, and a realization I had after observing types of friends, their actions, and just how vastly different they experience & interpret things.