Let’s Discuss: Orgasm Woes for Women Suffering from Inorganic Sexual Dysfuntion

Basic Female Sexual Dysfunction, and some things to do about it.

If you feel you are having a decrease in your sexual satisfaction and/or desire, instead of waiting until the magic bullet to become available there are quite a few things that you can do yourself to help your sex life in the meanwhile.
Know Thine OwnselfâÂ?¦ I realize that sounded a bit weird butâÂ?¦it has amazed me the number of women I have talked to, who do not understand how their own body works. This is YOUR body ladies, and if you are not completely intimate with what is going on down there and what things make you feel goodâÂ?¦.how do you expect someone else to know? Many women have been raised with negative messages concerning normal female bodily functions, self-stimulation, religious constraints,âÂ?¦etc. Otherwise, there are many women who don’t even know what their female anatomy either looks like, the correct names of the parts of their reproductive and sexual anatomy. Not to mention, what type of stimulation will bring them to orgasm or that there is more than one type of orgasm (clitoral, vaginal, G-spot). I’ve got to tell you ladies that we are no longer in the dark ages. If you truly want sexual satisfaction you need to know how your body works. I’m certainly not willing to hand over part of my body that I’m unfamiliar with to either my doctor or my lover, no matter how well-intentioned they are. I am giving you permission to look, feel, and generally become familiar with your own body. It’s your body for crying out loud. You wouldn’t refuse to bathe yourself because someone said that you can’t see yourself nude for crying out loud. As far as I’m concerned this is no different. You need that part of your body to be healthy and understand how it works if you wish to have good sexual experiences, good vaginal and bladder health, your fertility and reproductive organs in peak condition, and be able to spot any problems before they result in either an actual illness or even infertility.

Don’t worry about losing controlâÂ?¦.Some women deny themselves the experience of having an orgasm due to fear of “wetting the bed” during sex. When you have sex expect to have bodily fluids exchanged and escape. I can not express this strongly enough. This is NORMAL. Empty your bladder before sex or not depending on your own preferences. Research has shown that women do actually ejaculate a type of fluid similar to men’s seminal fluid during orgasm ranging greatly from woman to woman in quantity and force. Whether or not it does or doesn’t become mixed with urine isn’t really known for sure since it is thought to be ejaculated from within the urethra (the tube that empties your bladder). Trust me on thisâÂ?¦.no one should care. If you are having a good orgasm the fluid you emit is part of it, the chemical make-up of it is of no consequence. Lay a folded bath towel on the bed before sexual activity. If that isn’t absorbent enough; there are absorbent pads that can be purchased at any store that carries incontinent supplies that are absorbent pads with plastic liners in different sizes. You may have to experiment a bit before you find what you’re the most comfortable with. A towel over a large liner or a couple of regular size bed liners works very well for most people. It is also a good idea to empty your bladder as soon as you can after having sex also as a good way of preventing urinary tract infections (which also gives you a quick quiet time to freshen up if you would like too). Don’t be embarrassed to purchase them If someone would be noisy enough to ask, which I doubt, you can say you are getting them for someone who is sick, elderlyâÂ?¦.use your imagination, or tell them to mind their own business.

Communicate Your NeedsâÂ?¦Talk to your partner. If you are unable to tell you partner what you need outside of the bed, (help with child raising, relationship issues, a hour of down time before going to bed, the need for a relaxing bath or shower before sex, hygiene (his) issuesâÂ?¦etc) don’t expect to be able to communicate your needs once you’re in the bed. By learning to communicate your needs is less “threatening” or embarrassing situations it will lead to becoming able to communicate your needs in more intimate situations. Once you are able to talk about the finer points of sexual technique with your partner be very careful of using “you don’t” statements, in fact if you want the conversation to last past the first sentence without him fleeing, I suggest you use much less “fault finding” language. Try using comments such as “I feel more aroused (excited, sexy, sexual..etc) when we useâÂ?¦âÂ?¦.positionâÂ?¦..(or)âÂ?¦.you stroke my clitoris more gently. Once you are having sex instead of using instruction such as “you need to stroke more to the right (faster, slower,âÂ?¦etc), men seem to respond better to one word instructions such as upâÂ?¦.downâÂ?¦leftâÂ?¦rightâÂ?¦fasterâÂ?¦slower.

Clear the AirâÂ?¦If your holding on to resentment because he flirted with your girlfriend once or he isn’t as romantic as he was when you were dating, it’s time to either talk it out or find someway to resolve the issues that are causing the resentment. If you’re sick to death of picking up his dirty socksâÂ?¦say so. Pick a time for both of you to sit down with the prior knowledge of both partners that this is going to be a scheduled, uninterrupted, quiet time to talk. By this I mean picking a time and place when you both are comfortable and without distractions ( the kids are spending the night with relatives, his favorite TV or sports program isn’t on, he’s not rushing to work in the morning, âÂ?¦etc). Set down some rules before starting (no yelling, name calling, interrupting, accusing, leaving,âÂ?¦etc) or have a mediator/marriage councilor present. Agree this will be two way conversation, that it will continue until you both feel as if you have had your say, that the issues have been all been aired and dealt with fairly. Also agree before starting the discussion that if time doesn’t allow for all issues to be resolved, another session will be scheduled at that time.

Talk to your doctorâÂ?¦I can assure you it won’t be the first time he has talked to someone concerning the sexual concerns they may have. You talk to your doctor about birth control, during pregnancy, pelvic exams, mammograms, this isn’t that much different as far as he/she’s concerned and it can help you rule out medical problems or drug side effects that could be contributing to the problem. Never depend on your girlfriends or your mom for accurate sexual information. Women’s sexual experiences vary as widely as their opinions on what is good, bad, or normal. You need to figure out what is normal for your body not your girlfriends and certainly not your mom’s or grandmothers. However if you do have good relationship with your mom or sisters and they also suffer from sexual dysfunction of an organic nature (caused by disease, hereditary conditionâÂ?¦etc) it would be a good thing to know and tell your doctor. Some female sexual dysfunction and inability to achieve orgasm have found to be genetic (don’t get discouraged this is not usually the case).
A large amount of multigenerational dysfunction can be caused simply by tradition, religion, poor communication, role modeling, erroneous information transfer,and lack of sex education.

See a sex therapistâÂ?¦ Professional licensed sexual therapists do not have sex with their patients in order to teach them to improve their sex lives. They talk to couples about problems that may be plaguing their marriage, personal relationship or sexual relationship and then offer alternatives, practical treatment, and /or referral to the appropriate medical services. It is very important to check out a sexual therapist’s references, credentials, their way of conducting themselves and their sessions, before making an appointment.

Be good to yourselfâÂ?¦don’t expect yourself to be able to “do it all”. If you are a working mom you can’t be expected to be “on top” of all the housekeeping, child-rearing, and transportation. There has to be a division of some of these tasks, delegation of work to other members of the family (including the kids), healthy alternatives to food preparation (there are a lot of pre-packaged healthy meals on the market now and there is always carry-out), or last, but not least, some hired help. If you are “doing it all” type mom; if you even make it as far as the bed at night before you collapse, you’re doing goodâÂ?¦you’re not going to be worried about the sex cause you’re too tired.
Make time for sex. That may sound like I’m telling you to schedule Wednesdays at nine every week for sex. No, that isn’t what I’m saying, but with young children and even older children, schedules become hectic. You and your spouse become so involved in being parents, bread- winners, and taxi-drivers, it’s a wonder if you can sneak a peck on the cheek as you breeze by each other. Make a date with your spouse. Schedule a romantic evening alone with you spouse. Leaving the children in the capable hands of responsible babysitter is not only okay but an important part of keeping your relationship strong. You don’t want to look over at your spouse the day after you last chick has flown the nest and find a stranger. Scheduling time to be with your spouse isn’t being a poor parent. It gives your children a good role model to emulate when they want to have a good relationship with their spouse. When you are penciling in that date with your husband don’t forget to pencil in a couple of dates when each of you will take turns with the kids occasionally, to give each other a break. An evening of some time alone, out with friends, or doing something you enjoy is a good way to recharge and de-stress. It’s hard to get to know yourself sexually if you’ve totally forgotten there IS a YOU.