Life as an Army Wife

I am asked on many an occasion to tell others about my experiences as an ARMY wife. In fact now, when I hear the question, my brain fills with so many thoughts, it may take me a minute or two to sort them out before I can begin. There’s a lot to say about being married to a soldier. Yes, the separations are hard. That is usually the first question I get, with the next one being ‘have you traveled a lot?’ To that I smile, proud to say that I have been very fortunate in seeing many places since marrying my husband, my favorite being Egypt.

People asked if I was nuts when I accepted his marriage proposal. I was a simple girl from a small town, and I hadn’t experienced much of the world outside my safety net. But he was from the same area as I was, and if he could live 13 hours away from home for so long, well, so could I. Little girls always have dreams of being swept away by their prince charming, right? After all, he sure did look good in his uniform.

It was an early morning in March that year, when I kissed my mother goodbye and got into the Uhaul truck. It was so hard to do. On one hand, my future was waiting for me, yet on the other, my family was standing there, full of tears, not knowing when they would see me again. I cried for about the first half hour or so of the drive, but then as the passing scenery became more interesting, my eyes dried, and opened up wide to take it all in.

We had been living in Virginia for about a month as a happily married couple when we found out I was pregnant. Another surge of mixed emotions. I was so glad to have this life growing inside me, but yet so distraught that my family could not be there with me to share in it. I still did not know many people in this place, and that combined with pregnancy emotions.. well, you get the picture.

Then it happened. I was about 6 months pregnant, and my husband and I were curled up watching a movie on a rainy day, when the phone rang. It was his commander. He was calling to confirm that my husband was about to be shipped overseas on a hardship tour. Now, I had no idea this was even in the works, but apparently my husband knew about it, but wasn’t going to inform anyone until he got the final word. I still remember how it felt when he told me.

The scheduled date of his leaving was a month before my due date. It was a blow to the chest. He would be gone a year. Ouch.

What had I gotten myself into? How could this be so unfair? I got angry, and I felt so helpless. I felt like screaming out at the top of my lungs, but instead I just leaned against the kitchen counter, and cried to myself. I didn’t want him to see. Maybe if he didn’t see, he would think I was strong. I felt so pressured. All the other wives seemed to handle it so much better when their husbands were sent away. Why couldn’t I be like them

I’ll tell you why. I was new at this. There’s women who’ve been military wives a lot longer than me, and others who are new to the game, and yes, we all handle this situation different. At the risk of sounding cold, I just have to say that it does pass. I’m not belittling that they have to go, but it is something that is bound to happen with their profession. What is important is that you establish a support system before they leave so that you’re not all by yourself.

I went back home on his first year-long deployment, and my family was there for me to help me raise my daughter for her first precious year of life. After that year though, I stayed where we landed. My husband and I set up house upon his return, and when it was time to say goodbye again, I stood there proudly to wave him off, as did our little girl. Then came the fun chore of holding down the fort-so to speak- by myself. The best thing to do, really, is just buckle down, and enjoy the ride if you can. Expect those crazy twists and turns, because there will be many of them to come, especially if he is aiming for retirement. Enjoy it while you can.

Don’t get me wrong. You never want to hear the news that they’re going away. But it’s inevitable in this day and age. Wives complain all the time about how hard it is for them to deal with, but I wonder how many stop to think about their husbands feelings. They are trained to be tough, and I have met some so lacking in emotion it’s a wonder they found wives, but I know that it has to choke them up at least a little. I wouldn’t want to be on the other end. I can’t imagine watching my spouse and child standing there, looking into the bus window, waving goodbye to me yet again.

No, it’s not fun. But in some respects it is worth it. Some women say it’s better for their marriage. They spend a block of time with their husband, and right when it starts to get a little ‘crowded’ in there, it’s time for another deployment, and you get to reenact your honeymoon again upon their return.

I think as an adult it is slightly easier to adjust, but I know Children have it the worst. My daughter is a Daddy’s girl, and she cries for days when he leaves. But boy, does she get a smile when that phone rings and it’s him, calling to tell her how much he loves her. It must be hard to see your children in pictures and not be able to hold them. There are so many out there right now with children they’ve never even met.

We’re waiting for him now, you see. It’s been a long time, and he, like them, has a new son he hasn’t met. But I know in my heart his return will be soon, and we can all start breathing again. Maybe we will get a little more of a break this time. Whatever the case may be, I know that his willingness to serve his country is something to be proud of, and that he does this job to make sure his children have a safe world to grow up in. My children will always know their daddy is a hero, and so will I.

I will close my rambling. I hope this helps to comfort some of the newer wives of our troops, and perhaps brought back the ‘I know what that was like’ feeling for those of you serving a life sentence.