Lifestyles of the Post 5-Year Anniversary of 9/11 Era
If you ever hear yourself asking, “What can I do? What can I do to change my life in this era, the vaunted, scary post 5 year anniversary of 9/11 era?” You’re not alone. The world changed forever on the 5-year anniversary of 9/11. The world was changed forever this past Monday. When those ceremonies honoring the victims of the 9/11 attacks took place, I could feel the earth shudder. Here is a small list of things you, the good American, the loyal citizen, can do in these tragic times to make the world a better place.
-Be Patriotic
This one is easy. Just go to Wal-Mart and get yourself some American flags, American themed bumper stickers and a bald eagle belt buckle. They’re stuff is pretty cheap at Wal-Mart, so buy a lot of them. Tape them and stick them on everything and anything: your house, your car, your head, your baby’s head, your dog, your shower curtain. Anything. Just show your support for this great nation. Flags are the new draft, only without an increase in the middle class mortality rate. Why die for your nation when you can put a “These colors don’t run!” bumper sticker on your gas guzzling, death machine? There is no difference between dying in Iraq and waving a flag in your backyard. It’s the thought that counts.
-Beat Up a Hippie
Hippies are like the spiders in “Arachnophobia” and this country is John Goodman. We need to put them in their place by spraying them with poison and eventually setting them on fire. Hippies nowadays are a little more difficult to spot (kind of like people who have herpes- thanks a lot Novartis). Gone are the days of faggy beads, long hair and mumu’s. The pot has gotten stronger (so I hear), but the kids are trying to blend in. Luckily, I now how to spot them; look for these signsâÂ?¦
-Faded white baseball hats (or ironic trucker hats)
-Hondas or Volkswagens
-Vintage sneakers
-Che Guevara T-shirts
-Camel Lights
If you do stumble upon a hippie, don’t panic. Though their appearance has changed over the years, they still adhere to the same, retarded pacifist value system. Walk up to them real slowly and strike up a conversation about global warming. On the first suggestion that Al Gore should run for President again in 2008, start to beat them unmercifully.
-Support Bush
Is it me, or is President Bush like God or something. At the very least he’s the best theological dictator our country has ever seen, and thank the Good Lord for that. Even if President Bush is not God, you can’t deny that he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to the USA. I feel so safe at night knowing that he’s pissed off about 2 billion borderline, psychotics who would slit my throat and cut of my wiener if they ever got the chance. I go to a pro-Bush rally about three times a month and, frankly, I should get out to more. It’s not like there aren’t parades all the time celebrating our great leader. Hail Bush!
