Like a Whisper to a Scream

It was in the vision of a dream
That all that was lost was found
The candlelight defined the shadows on the walls and ceiling
Illuminating all around.
It was there and then a face was seen
Hovering above sheets of white
A smile so bright it seemed to be gleaming
And made the remaining darkness turn to light.

It was then I found my faith in being
The first moment my heart truly skipped a beat
I turned to find I was no longer blind
And all that rose from within my body was heat.
Every sensation, every feeling
Trembling hands can hold no more
When a heart is so full of everything, yet nothing
I often wonder then what it’s all for.

I remember a time when things seemed too simple
Almost easy in their way
When all eyes cast upon me were filled with love
There was no deceit, no hate or rage.
When Santa Claus was more than a fairy tale
So many ghosts no one had ever seen
One does not need to see the presence
To know it is there or believe.

It is that childhood I long for now
When hearts held me at night, in their wake
Before time took its toll, jaded me
Before my first mistake.
Before I knew of the world’s coldness
And what burns in the hearts of those
Who take everything, giving nothing in return
Sometimes our hearts take us away to places we don’t even know.

It is there that I have longed for forgiveness and understanding
Trying to take away everyone’s pain
Instead I have reflected it onto myself
And it burns me even more when I walk alone in the rain.
For my heart that used to beat so strong and clear
Sometimes faulters even now
And I am left to wonder where this will end
How long it will take and will I be absolved somehow.

It is I who is now the prisoner of the mind
And the visions so strong once are no longer clear
So I sit and ponder the existence of love and time
And if my time is truly near.
If that be so and GOD should take me
Wake me in the middle of a dream in the night
At least my salvation will be complete
Surrounded by the stars, my loved ones gone, all reflected in the candlelight.

There is so much to be said, yet the words escape me
Like they have a thousand times before
It is within myself I must find the love and strength
That possessed me, saved me, and will again, once more.
It is like a letter that has never been finished
Left in mid sentence, trapped in time
Hearts and wounds bleed when they are broken
And everything and nothing can be read between the lines.

For a dreamers’ time is short on this earth
We take for granted that things are not what they seem
We believe in the goodness of a kind smile
Like a whisper to a scream.
And in the end we are left alone to ponder
Exactly where everything went wrong
It is so easy to say, yet so hard to do
When you must walk away, even when the strength is gone.

So, why have I come back here
Maybe I’m searching for a miracle, a spark in the night
That will illuminate all the darkness surrounding me
And make all the suffering seem all right.
I have payed for my sins a thousand lifetimes over
And yet bare the scars, reeling sometimes from the pain
For you see a dreamer will always be a dreamer
Regardless of the nightmares that remain.

I still feel her holding me when I was young
I feel the love that poured from her into my heart
I remember her face, her voice, her touch
And I remember when she left how I fell apart.
I still cry bitter tears when I am alone
Though she guides me, holds my hand
Sometimes memories and pictures are not enough
She knows better than anyone and understands.

I ask for forgiveness of those I’ve tried to save
But was unable for reasons I can not see
For the weight of the world is sometimes too great
Even for a dreamer like me.
So I shall wait here for my time to be over
Knowing it will be coming soon
I have the words of a poet, the heart of a lover, sometimes one of a lion
The eyes of a wolf, baying in the light of the moon.

I ask that those who have held me in their arms before
Keep my memory and touch in a good light
Holding my love close to their hearts
When they feel the need, are alone, and need all that is wrong feel right.
For a dreamers’ life is a simple one
We pray for love and time
And if it doesn’t come our way, no matter
For sometimes it’s better imagined in the mind.