‘Locker Room’Sex Talk: How Much is Too Much?
Twenty years ago, it was pretty well-known that what went on in the bedroom stayed firmly locked behind closed doors. I don’t doubt that the occasional gossip went on, but as a society we’ve gravitated toward more open conversation about sex. Women and men alike don’t cringe at the idea of sharing intimate sexual experiences with friends and even family. How else can we learn if we aren’t allowed to share?
In my experience, women talk more about sex with their friends than do men. Or at least, they share more details then men. But when my buddies and I get to drinking beer and watching TV, we often talk about sexual experiences with our wives, and sometimes it gets back to our wives that we shared. So what kinds of rules should be set regarding locker room sex talk? And when can sharing hurt the person we love?
The first rule of thumb, if you ask me, is that you should never share information that might hurt your husband or wife. Some experiences in the bedroom are better kept private, especially when you are asked not to share it with others. Love, trust, and devotion are three qualities that I value in my marriage, and are never to be breached. While I will share the occasional anecdote with my friends, I think that I know where to draw the proverbial line.
Secondly, I think that most experiences with exes are fair game. Although you don’t want to trash the name of your ex, locker room sex talk about partners who are “of the past” should be okay. In fact, in order to make this unconditional, you can avoid using names, and in that case, what’s the harm? Laughing about something that happened ten years ago, and about someone with whom you no longer have contact shouldn’t be a problem, as long as it wouldn’t offend the person you’re with now.
Another important point is that when it comes to locker room sex talk, you should imagine how you would feel if your partner were to discuss the same incident with his or her friends. If I would be angry if my wife told her friends about that sexual experience, I keep my mouth closed. I believe very strongly in giving as good as you get, and breaching a trust in the interest of lock room talk is something to be avoided at all costs.
And lastly, I always avoid subjects that could adhere to a medical nature. For example, if your wife or husband has a sexual disorder of some kind, don’t engage in locker room sex talk about it. Most likely, your friends will be disgusted by your disclosure, and if it ever got back to your significant other, he or she would be completely embarrassed. The only exception I can see to this rule is if you are seeking advice from a trusted friend about how to deal with a medical situation. In that case, you aren’t just gossiping in the “locker room”, but seeking help from someone you trust.
