Madonna: Confessions on a Dancefloor

I think the reason why Madonna’s 14th album, 2003’s American Life, was panned overall by critics and fans alike was because she did the unthinkable. She had mastered the art of versatility down to a science and she was the undisputed Queen of Reinvention. And American Life wasn’t a bad album by any means; the concept of making an album that subtly satirized American culture seemed like a brilliant idea But the album showed a side of Madonna people didn’t think existed; Madonna

*gulp*

âÂ?¦average!! The production, the lyrics, the vocals were all simply passable; the entire record had good intentions but an uneventful execution. Couple that with a statement made by Madonna herself just a few months after its release – “I don’t have time to be creative!” – and many were left genuinely confused about the future of her career. Had the Material Girl finally lost her edge? Has the Queen finally abdicated her throne? Has Madonna finally run out of things to do and/or say?

2005’s Confessions on a Dance Floor is supposedly the answer to all those questions; a resounding NO! Before the final nail is placed in her coffin, Madonna is out to prove once more that she is still a force to be reckoned with and that no one can do pop music the way she can.

The premise of the album is interesting itself; supposedly harkening back to the origins of her career, the album is supposed to be a near-hour block of pure, unadulterated dance music. No ballads and no breaks; the album is one continuous seam of lush disco rhythms, electronic thumps, and techno grooves. Almost a bridge of sorts between her debut and now, this is Madonna’s sophomore album 22 years in the making.

Leaving behind stalwarts William Orbit and Mirwais (sans two songs), Madonna picked producer Stuart Price (with a lil’ help from Bloodshy & Avant) to helm the recording process for this album and the end result is some of the most solid dance music your ears will ever be blessed to hear.

Lead single, Hung Up, is easily Madonna’s strongest in the last 5 years; looping a genius ABBA sample around pulsating drumbeats and a kettle-whistle synth run, Madonna sounds playful and coquettish as she shoves an insipid beau to the curb. And that’s just the beginning; as the alarm-clock ticks seep back into the atmosphere, the blare of the alarm itself awakes the next track. And in the swirl of synths and a drumline mimicking a heartbeat, Madonna’s nimble vocals sound mellow and relaxed, almost trancelike, as they ponder a Get Together of two heart; reassuring herself with the mantra-like refrain of wisdom – “if it’s bitter at the start, then it’s sweeter in the end.”

Then the ambient strings fade out and right back into the second single, Sorry. With an ominous faux-bassline and peppy 808s, Madonna’s quickly re-thought her decision and put the subtle vitriol back into her vocals and lyrics as she casts aside the poor guy’s pitiful attempts at repentance. And then the refrain of “I’ve heard it all before” is slowed to distortion as it flows into Madonna’s advice for Future Lovers. Drumpads simulating helicopter wings and an almost-robotic Madonna direct future lovers about how to best handle their burgeoning love in quite a cryptic fashion. Madonna forewarned us about reading too much into the lyrics and it’s easy to see why as this proves she’s sometimes nonsensical just for the hell of it.

The synths wind down and Madonna echoes out into her ode to the only city she deems worthy of existence; New York. A faux-grungy mix of guitars and drums surround Madonna’s sneering vocals as she exclaims the virtues of her hometown and how the rest of the world pales in comparison. And with wisecrack lines like, “if you don’t like my attitude, then you can F off” and “New York is not for little puss!es who scream”, any argument defying her is pretty much pointless. Once again, the synths faze out and into a loop reminiscent to the opening strings of “Papa Don’t Preach”. But this time, Madonna ponders the virtues of fame and how it’s better to just Let It Will Be and live in the moment of it rather than analyze the longevity or benefits of it.

Once again, the synths echo out and right back in as Madonna reflects on whether or not she should go against her better judgment and fall in love; Forbidden Love to be exact. Here again, Madonna kinda falters as the atmosphere, lyrics, vocals, and overall execution are just a bit too mellow, relaxed, and tame. For something to be forbidden, it sure doesn’t sound worth fighting for or against. But the beeping synth-loop carries over well into Jump. It at least makes the music more exciting even though the rest of the proceedings are lackadaisical at best. Madonna claims she wants to jump back into a relationship to give it another start but her lack of enthusiasm makes it easy to lose interest before you even hear her case plead.

A few seconds of dead air ease us into How High and Madonna kicks things back in, full-throttle, as she says aloud what many were murmuring about quietly; the future of her career:

How highâÂ?¦doesn’t make a differenceâÂ?¦.nothing lasts foreverâÂ?¦should IâÂ?¦.will it matter when I’m goneâÂ?¦.will any of this matter

Almost as a cliffhanger, Madonna sounds unsure and unresolved as she floats into another cryptic yet boring tune; Isaac. Sounding like a techno overload gone Middle Eastern, Madonna lets her newfound spirituality and Kabbalah influence speak for her, complete with Indian chants and vaguely-religious symbolism. “Like A Prayer” it’s not.

But no worries as Madonna wisely saved the best for last. Church bells ring us into purported third single, Push, and Madonna sounds surprisingly revitalized as she discusses the positive impact hubby Guy Ritchie has had on her life. The production is tailor-made for radio, containing the most ingenious Tom-Tom Club sample I’ve ever heard, and the overall execution is about as skilled and perfect as the album gets.

And then Madonna closes this dance affair with the semi-confessional/testimonial, Like It or Not. Bloodshy and Avant create a catchy claptrack and stutter-step synth rhythm that sounds total Pet Shop Boys-circa 2005 and Madonna answers all the critic and fan questions about her career in one fell swoop of a hook; this is who I am – you can like it or not – you can – love me or leave me – ’cause I’m never gonna stop.

’nuff said.

It goes without saying that this album is calculated to a hilt. And Madonna did somewhat opt for the safe route in making this one by reverting back to her foolproof sound (she has over 20 #1 Dance hits) and making sure it was as clean, sleek and manufactured as possible. Because of that, the album resultantly sounds a bit cold and impersonal. No real feeling or emotion seems attached to either Madonna’s vocals or lyrics; feasibly, anyone could’ve sung this album.

But if anyone but Madonna had recorded this album, it would not have been as enjoyable nor the Dance masterpiece that it is. Madonna reached into her bag of tricks and dusted off the oldest one she could find. But in the process, she proved to us one infallible truth:

She doesn’t have to worry about being creative. It comes natural.