Make New Friends and Keep the Old
Some people have an easy time making friends. Wherever they go, these charming, gregarious people end up chatting to some new stranger and getting invitations to a club, party, or secretive cult. Other people, however, have a harder time making friends. These people are content to keep to themselves until they realize that it’s Saturday night and they are alone because their two friends are doing something else. But if you fall into the latter category, do not despair. Making and retaining new friends is actually quite easy, as long as you are willing to put forth a little effort.
The first step towards making new friends is simply getting out and doing something; you are not going to make friends if you never leave your house. Classes are a great way to meet people with whom you have something in common; just make sure you’re actually interested in the class. You could also try to meet people at an art museum, music concert, poetry reading, or any other event that appeals to you. Coffee shops can be great for making friends, too.
You can also make friends at work, although depending on where you work, this may or may not appeal to you. If you are interested in being friends with a coworker, just ask him or her to go on a coffee or lunch break with you. Later, you could ask him or her to get a drink with you after work; if you have anything in common, a friendship should develop on its own at
this point.
Once you see someone with whom you’re interested in talking, you need to strike up a conversation. I promise, it’s not as hard as it sounds. If you work together or are in a class together, you already have a topic. Wherever you are, if you can find something that the two of you have in common, starting a conversation, not to mention a friendship, will be that much easier.
In order to turn a conversation into a friendship, you will need to see each other again. This is another reason why trying to befriend someone from work or a class is especially easy; you get to see them repeatedly. Otherwise, try inviting the potential friend to an event – for example, an art exhibit or a monster truck rally – that you think you might both enjoy.
Nobody wants to resort to buying friends, but being generous is very helpful when trying to make friends. Buy your new friend a cup of coffee, tickets to a show, or a small present you think he or she might like. Just be sure not to overdo it; you don’t want to make your friend feel indebted to you (or at least, not too indebted), and you don’t want to seem desperate.
Finally, you will need to maintain your new friendship. Tying people up and locking them in the basement is illegal in most states, so you will need to find another way to stay close. This can be the hardest part. If your new friend keeps inviting you out, you need to accept at least half of the invitations; you also need to invite your friend out. At the same time, if your new friend keeps turning down your invitations, try to take the hint and give him or her some space.
These strategies also work well for people who are trying to start a romance. Many serious relationships began as simple friendships.
