Make Sure He Doesn’t Love You Most

I can’t remember the last time I was on a real date – the kind with flowers and candles and chairs being pulled out and car doors being opened for me. I’ve been single for a long time, and most days, it doesn’t bother me. But once in a while, I have a sense of regret that I haven’t found that Mr. Right. Frankly, I’ve given up hope. I’m convinced my husband-to-be died at birth.

But despite my giving up on the search, there are those who still long for romance, even those who have had nasty bouts with
relationships-gone-bad. Those little girls who have grown up dreaming of the day Prince Charming would come by to whisk them off into a perfect sunset for a happy ever-after. And this means there will be dating. Maybe catching a movie. Maybe meeting in a chat room. Maybe a flicker of something special when you see someone at the mall. Or maybe a different kind of smile than you’ve ever seen before from that guy who is in your singles’ class at church.

There is nothing wrong with dating. If there were, God would not have instituted marriage into the world or given us a desire to seek out our Prince Charmings. As far back as the Garden of Eden, God was understanding enough to know that we would find a place in our heart that could only be filled with the kind of love a significant other can bring.

But for those of you who are dating, particularly those of you who are parenting and dating, there is a lesson that I’ve learned the hard way. That lesson is a lesson of love. And, unfortunately, it is one that is all too often ignored when romance and excitement get in the way. Frankly, you need to accept the fact that the man you are seeking should be a little more in love with
someone else than he is with you.

This is an odd statement, of course, because we all think of being truly loved as being placed at number one in someone’s life. You want him to think about you all the time, look at no one else, and devote his every breath to making you happy. It’s natural. Mr. Right is supposed to be the guy who worships the ground you walk on, hangs on your every word, and walks over broken glass to get you whatever you want. But there is one problem with that. If a man has not learned to love from the Master of love, he can never really love you or your children the way he should.

The scriptures are a great place for love stories. When I think back to stories like the Book of Ruth, or of Jacob working in the field for years to win the heart of Rachel, or even Joseph painstakingly taking Mary under his wing, despite all those obstacles, I become very jealous. But the thing to remember is that each of the men in these stories were actually Princes, because they were the sons of a King. Not necessarily a worldly king, but a King much higher.

Each of them were charming because they learned how to love from the Master and obeyed the Master’s commands. After all, a man who cannot obey God’s commands can never love you properly. As John proclaimed, “This is how we know that we love God’s children, when we love God and obey His commands” (I John 5:2, HCSB)

If you expect your partner to place you higher in his life than loving God or following God’s commands, you are in for trouble. And, by the same token, be sure that you, too, are loving God more than you love anyone else. After all, the best and most secure relationships we will ever have are those where everyone understands that we should be “submitting [ourselves] one to another in the fear of God.” (Ephesians 5:21, KJV).

When you’re out looking for Mr. Right, be careful, and keep your eyes, ears and heart open. It’s important to keep your own fellowship with God strong, and pray that He would make it evidently clear whom you should commit yourself to.

If you think you’ve already found your special someone, just be sure he doesn’t love you most.

As for me, flowers make me sneeze anyway. And I can open my own car door�at least for now.