Making Super Bowl Pre-game Parties Awesome

It’s that time of year again. Time for the grills to start smoking, the beers to start chilling, and the big guys in uniforms to start limbering up. Time for the striped shirts to make a reappearance and the white lines to be carefully re-laid.

No, it’s not your family reunion with the cop on our mother’s sister’s side of the family and old Johnny the street-striper who’s choosing (yet again!) to redo your street on the day of your get-together. We’re talking something way more important: it’s SUPER BOWL TIME!

But the big day’s full of a lot of other stuff too. Like a bunch of talking heads sitting around a table and endlessly dissecting what each team’s going to have to do to pull this one off. Like a lot of commercials, and let’s face it, after you’ve seen the goofy guy do the “Bitter Beer Face” three times, the magic is gone. And weren’t you the one whose girlfriend threatened to dump you if she caught you TiVo-ing the spot where the cheerleaders come out to get the crowd ready?

So how do you spool up for the big game? Well, with the magic of our friends in a few select places, you can play out the big game before the coin toss is flubbed, oh wait, they said they weren’t going to let that happen this year, didn’t they?

The first group that you’re going to want to thank is the gaming gurus at EASports. These people are amazing; they’ve managed to get the starting lineup programmed in for every year into the power-packed Madden Football series. The 2005 version is available for Playstation/PS2, Nintendo GameCube and other platforms at most retailers, and the controls are relatively easy to learn. What you need is a few buddies to come over (try to get someone who’s worse at the game than you to play against you head-to-head), pop in the game and plaster the teams up over the face of the dumb guy who’s just told you all of the reasons why your team isn’t going to win. Then battle it out! If you get started early enough, you can probably get in half-a-dozen games before the cheerleadersâÂ?¦oh wait, right; you’re not looking for them, are you?

What’s that? You don’t have a Playstation? In that case, we roll on to the next item, the gem of a game from the masters at Games Workshop: Blood Bowl. It’s fantasy football, the way football is meant to be played. Never mind all those sissy penalties like “holding,” “pass interference” or “face mask pulling,” we’re talking serious rules here. Your team wears armor, because the other team has a serious mad on and is looking to bury your guys under the turf. Sure, it’s done with miniatures and dice, but the feel of the game is as fast paced and reckless as any TiVo shot of Donovan McNabb getting leveled. The name of the game is Blood Bowl, after all, and what’s a good game of football doing without a little blood? Most game stores have this, or can order it. You can also slide along to Games Workshop Online, at http://www.gamesworkshop.com.

Oh, low on cash and can’t afford to pick up that game? Ok, option three, fake the handoff right, and look for the screenâÂ?¦sorry, got carried away. Where was I? Oh yes, option three. When all else fails, introduce THE DRINKING GAME!

Note: I highly recommend something non-alcoholic. With the amount of stuff that’s happened in the last three Super Bowls, even Miller Light is going to put you under the table. I am advising you to drink responsibly. And for those who are thinking of substituting M&M’s for drinking (and I’ve heard of this before and think it’s a great idea), a chug involves at least ten M&M’s.

The rules are:

Pick two captains, one for each team. Ensure that everyone has a plentiful supply of the appropriate tipple. And let the games begin!

The condition: The action:
First down – Drink
First down after third and long – 2 drinks
First down after going for it on fourth – Chug
Interception – Drink
Fumble – Drink
Fumble recovered by your team – 2 drinks
Quarterback makes yards rushing – Drink
Quarterback is sacked – Drink
Loss of yards is more than 5 after sack – 2 drinks
More than one flag down on the play – 1 drink per additional flag
Coach throws his hat or headset – Drink
Ref flubs the call – Drink
Ref flubs the coin toss – Chug
Extra point is blocked – Chug
Punt or field goal is blocked – Drink
Field goal made from 50+ yards – 2 drinks
Score difference over 14 points at halftime – Loser drinks
Score difference over 21 points at final – Loser chugs

And when the Gatorade gets dumped on the coach, the captain of the winning team gets the contents of his mug dumped over his head!

Above all else, enjoy the game, the fun and the halftime show! It’s supposed to be great this year!