Male Bonding: The Square Civilian
The buddy is a man who another man has a very strong nonsexual relationship with but doesn’t necessarily spend that much time with anymore. They may have been separated due to crossing career paths, sexual relationships with women, machismo, or any of another number of fundamental principles. Buddies often consider the fact that they are not as close as they would like to be and thus consider dropping that person from their memory, but whenever that guy calls, it’s always good to hear from them.
The fella is a man who another man nonsexually bonds with regularly. All buddies were once fellas. In order to be a buddy, you have had to’ve bonded with that person regularly. The fella becomes a buddy when you bond with that person regularly no longer. Fellas are the guys he talks to on a regular basis when he is not with his women.
The poor schmuck that I am helping is perhaps the closest a straight man will ever get to homosexuality without actually being a homo. The poor schmuck that I am helping is a man that I care for deeply who has found hard times and I am finding it in my heart to help the poor bastard. It’s humanitarian. This is men at their best. It doesn’t happen that often because men do not have the guts to put their necks on the line for other men. They are homophobic and have been convinced by women that all men are scum. In turn, the man’s ability to form the poor schmuck that I am helping with relationship is the finding of man in his most noble form, but it rarely pans out because he is attacked for either being weak or gay. When men are willing to withstand this criticism, they become great people.
The only time a man will ever consider another straight man his friend is when that man is the noble creature who is helping him. The noble creature that is helping looks at the man he is helping as the poor schmuck he is helping, but the poor schmuck that is getting helped looks at the noble creature like a friend. When another man helps you, he is your friend. That is what defines men as friends. Their willingness to help each other. They don’t do it that often though, for reasons mentioned above. Women have convinced their men that most men are scum and men are extremely homophobic. In turn, they may be the weaker sex.
The irony of course is that women always want their men to have friends, but women never like a man’s friends, at least the ones that a man holds with high regard. The reason for this of course is that the men a man holds in high regard are usually the bad ones. The ones who are rebels. The one’s who do whatever they want when they want, and most women can’t stand these men. In turn, men never wind up doing a damn thing for each other.
The male bond nonetheless is sacred. It is sacred because the man understands all of these things. It is sacred because the man tells these things to no one, even if it could make the world a better place, thus adding to his sophistication and overall stupidity. Afterall, he just wants to make a living
The man is not going to tell these things to another man because the other man should already know, and if he doesn’t he’s a dork. It doesn’t matter that he’s a dork though because he could be that friend. That’s what makes the bond so great. Every man has a role. It is their duty to learn that role. Why, because we have to defeat the women. Not figuratively, literally; thus the purpose of this explanation. Know who your friends are.
Contrary to traditional thought, the man is hardly a couch eating potato who juggles balls around the fairway with a crooked stick. He is a sophisticated being. The man may not ever think, but he is always focused. The man may not ever feel but he is often warm. The man may not have any friends, but he will always have a buddy. Long live the code!
