Men and Women Living Together Alone
When men and women fall in love they are often intrigued by their ability to communicate with one another. “He’s interested when I talk, and he really understands me,” she sighs. “I have never been able to open up to anyone the way I can with her,” he remarks with awe in his voice. So exactly how does such rapturous and in sync communication degenerate into a conversational void?
Listening is the first skill to go when the ups and downs of daily life crowd in to a relationship. Men usually appear to suffer from the deficit first. A number of studies tell us that men speak about 2000 words daily and women speak about 6000 words. This imbalance plays out in a number of ways. When a man comes home from an active workday it is quite likely he will want some quiet time. His wife, on the other hand, still has a couple thousand words she would like to use to process her day aloud, and she expects him to listen actively and empathetically as she verbalizes her thoughts.
Men frequently like to think through their problems as opposed to talking about unresolved issues. He has used up his 2000 words during the day and he wants to contemplate his day in companionable silence. As she talks his mind drifts to other issues.
Talking style is another difference that affects communications. Women tend to talk “in circles” with one thing leading to another and eventually circling around to make the original point she had intended. Men tend to talk in a more linear fashion and get straight to the point. Dissimilarity in style sometimes causes women to think that their mate is being abrupt, and makes men feel that theirs is “rambling on about nothing.”
Here are some quick and easily implemented tips to preserve or enhance effective communication across gender lines.
? Women-Get to the point. Let your first sentence be what you would normally say last. Instead of “I bought these six items at the store,” say “I spent $200 at the store.” Now you have his attention and he will have some questions, hence a conversation results.
? Men-Give both verbal and nonverbal feedback to demonstrate that you are listening. Stop reading the paper or watching TV and look at your mate as she talks. React with facial expressions, short comments or brief soundsâÂ?¦”No kidding,” “What?” “Really!” “Wow!” This is called “empathetic listening” and will help your mate feel supported and understood.
? Men and women-Ask questions. “Is this a good time to discuss the broken dryer?” “How was your day?” “So what’s going on with that situation at your brother’s house?” Show interest in your mate, their life and what is important to them. You will be surprised at the magical transformation within a dull relationship when each partner expresses genuine interest in caring for their mate.
