Motherless Daughters
I mourn the loss of my motherâÂ?¦or should I say, my mama. My mama was at one time my best friend. She was a stay at home mom, involved in PTA, and baked cookies, cooked supperâÂ?¦you name it. As a matter of fact, my friends loved her, and loved having sleepovers at my house because my mom was so “cool”. I could talk to her about anythingâÂ?¦from my first kiss and questions about sex. When my feelings were hurt, if I had a problem at school, she was there. My 2 sisters were not as fortunate. I believe I got the best she had to offer. In the eyes of this child, she was indeed Super Mom. Little did I know as a child, that my mama was very, very sick.
My mama is Bipolar Manic-Depressive. A taboo subject in most circles, however, I have learned that the truth is the truth. My mother is mentally ill. She also suffers from a personality disorder. Medications can help her cope with being Bipolar, but there is no known “cure” for a personality disorder.
Yes, if you are wondering, my mother is still alive. We speak and see each other every once in awhile, but not very often. I miss her.
I miss the woman I know she is deep down inside�.before the illness took over, before her addiction to prescription drugs, before everything went straight to hell.
I will always love her, and have no idea how I will cope the day I find out that she is no longer with us. I have dealt with the possibility of her death over and over again in my life with her many suicide attempts. I will never be ready.
So�.back to the subject at hand�Motherless Daughters. I am a Motherless Daughter�.my sisters Kelly and Kristen, are too. This may explain the unbreakable and close bond between the three of us. A bond I will forever be grateful for, that most do not understand.
I understand�completely. We are facing this world without our mom. We lack the support and love that is suppose to come from our mom. We compensate. We give love, support and friendship to each other. I miss my mama, but I have to tell you, the bond, the love and the friendship between me and my sisters is priceless.
Kelly, my middle sis, and I are both raising daughters of our own. We may not have a mama to turn to, but we have each other. We are day by day, making lives for our daughters. We are teaching then how to be strong and independent. We are teaching them that following your heart and emotions are a wonderful aspect of being a woman.
Most importantly, we are breaking the cycle. Our daughters will not grow up to be “Motherless Daughters”. We will be there every step of the way. If our time here on this earth ends before they are grownâÂ?¦.we are documenting through journals and scrapbooks who we are, and most importantly sending a message to our daughters:
You are loved.
You are worthy of love.
Believe in yourself and love yourself.
Follow your dreams.
Stand up for yourself and stand up for what you believe in.
Most of all, know that your mama loves you!
