My Life as a Teenage Parent
I was 14 the first time I had sex. I had actually wanted to do it before that, but I never did because I didn’t have anyone to do it with. The person that I had sex with was older than me. Not just by a few years. He was old enough to be my father. I not only engaged in sexual activities, but I called myself carrying on a relationship with him. I wanted to have a baby and he promised to give me one. We had unprotected sex as much as I wanted to. As time went on I got bored with him. He was too old for me and I had to sneak around with him. My relatives thought I was gay and that is why I never had any boys around or never talked about boys, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
When I was 15, I meant another guy. This time, he was my age and I liked him. Together, we did all of the things we were not supposed to do. We drank, smoked marijuana and skipped school. He was always with me and paid me a lot of attention. Growing up, I don’t feel like I ever had that and I cherished what he gave me. Shortly after meeting him, I told him I wanted a baby and he said he would give me one. We took the necessary steps and within weeks, I was pregnant. I wouldn’t know this for awhile though.
I loved being with my boyfriend, but one day, he didn’t come to my house like he usually did. He didn’t return my phone calls either. I was too tired to get out of bed and do anything so I waited. Later in the day I got a phone call from him and I found out his mother was sending him to another state. He was gone and I was pregnant. I never thought of how I would raise this baby if I didn’t have any help or how I would get a job at 15. I just knew that I wanted someone to love me unconditionally and this baby would do just that.
I was in the foster care system and my social worker wasn’t happy when she found out that I was pregnant. She sent me to a group home to live until I had the baby. Over the nine months I was pregnant I had a lot of growing up to do. I started going to school and taking it seriously. I took parenting classes to learn how to take care of my baby. I learned how to job search so when I turned 16 I could get a job. At the group home, I babysat for other girls and earned what money I could. The group home gave me $30 a week to shop for my baby, but that was hardly anything.
Having a baby was one of the most amazing things in the world, but instead if having the father by my side; I had a group home staff person with me. I must have looked so young and ignorant being 16 and bringing a baby into the world. I had no business doing what I did.
I could barely manage my own life, let alone the life of someone that is helpless and has no knowledge.
Four months after my baby was born, I was doing well and sent to live with a relative. Over 9 months, I had changed into a new person. I went to school and worked hard. There was never a day that I ditched school. I got a job and did what I had to do to take care of myself and my child. I graduated high school and went on to enroll in Community College.
I wish I could end my story and tell you that I lived happily ever after, but that is not the case. I was 18 and in college when my child’s father came back to the same state as me. He said he wanted to be a father and do right and being dumb and ignorant again, I believed him. My relative let him stay with us and he was trouble from the start. He began selling drugs and doing illegal things. He would ask me to do them and I would. I was doing so well and I let him come along and persuade me to do different. We had a good time doing bad things together. Then we would get into arguments and the violence would begin. Sometimes in front of our child. I could tell my life was headed down the same path as my mother’s and if I didn’t stop, my child too, would end up in the foster care system.
My child’s father went in and out of jail. I always gave him ultimatums, but I never held my word. I let him mistreat me and misuse me. So finally, I married him! Why? I am a smart girl. In the face of adversity I can succeed. I can turn a negative situation positive. There were many times I wanted to get away from him and I felt like I couldn’t. Our marital bliss lasted less than 3 months. Not long after we were married, he cheated on me and left. I divorced him and moved on.
I can tell you that I am now living happily ever after. Being a teen parent changed my life. I can’t tell you that I haven’t made mistakes, but I can tell you that my child is living and happy and he is with me. If I could change the hands of time and go back, I would not have a child. I was robbed of my childhood when my mother made her mistakes and I made the situation worse by having a baby.
My baby gave me unconditional love, but that love came with a price. The high price of raising a child before I was ready, the price of giving up my freedom to do what is best for him-always!
I am a dedicated mother, wife, student, and writer. Take it from me – having a baby is never the answer to your problems.
