Negotiate Child Custody in Court

Child custody is an issue that millions of children, couples, and ex-couples must face. By and large, custody issues are simple to resolve. Joint custody is common, and involves both parents spending equal amount of time with the children. The child may stay with one parent during the weekdays and the other parent during the weekends. Likewise, holidays and vacations are divided equally between both parents. When the situation is amicable, this arrangement works. However, in circumstances when one or both parents are not satisfied with the custody arrangement, the courts must decide what is best for the children.

Hire an Attorney

Hiring an attorney to handle a child custody case is optional. Representation is expensive, and those with little disposable money may choose to represent themselves in court. This is allowed; however, individuals must educate themselves on child custody laws. Prior to the court date, research the child custody laws in your state. These resources will thoroughly explain joint custody, sole custody, and visitation rights. In addition, they will discuss the criteria in which sole custody is based.

If you can afford an attorney, hire one. Understandably, most of us are not blessed with huge bank accounts that allow frivolous spending. However, when trying to settle a child custody issue, this is not the time to become cheap. Hire a good attorney, with extensive experience handling child custody issues. Attorneys are beneficial because they will ensure that you know the law. During consultation, discuss the settlement you hope to achieve. Moreover, encourage the attorney to be completely honest with you. For example, if you are a parent seeking sole custody, inquire whether your reasons for sole custody are valid. This information is especially important for fathers trying to gain custody of their children.

Mediation

To avoid an explosion in court, parents might consider a mediated sessions prior to their court date. For the most part, parents seeking help from the courts are unable to resolve the issue themselves. Mediation is effective because both parties can express what they hope to accomplish in court. Mediators are highly experienced with helping people reach an agreement. Sometimes, custody hearings become heated. During mediation, parents can vent their frustration, which contributes to a more amicable meeting in court. If an intense argument occurs in court, judges may reschedule the court date and recommend that both parties attend mediation to resolve some of their personal issues. Mediation is beneficial because they are free, confidential, and improves communication. In some cases, parents are able to reach an agreement during these court appointed sessions, thus they also save time and money.

Be Prepared

Prior to the court date, each parent, or attorneys, should be prepared to present their case to the judge. The purpose of a court appearance is to establish a suitable custody arrangement. Each custody case is different, thus judges must listen diligently to each party and make a levelheaded decision. If a parent is hoping to receive sole custody of a child, they must be prepared to explain in detail why the other parent should not receive custody. Does the other parent work late hours? Is the parent irresponsible? Does the other parent have a problem with drugs or alcohol abuse? Does the parent engage in a lifestyle that is deemed inappropriate for a parent? Simply stating that a parent is irresponsible will not convince a judge to relinquish custody rights. Be specific. Child custody hearings involving parents seeking joint custody or visitation rights are often easier to resolve. Because of disliking an ex, some parents tend to speak disapprovingly or portray the other parent in a negative way. This is all in an attempt to dissuade a judge from granting joint custody. However, experienced judges are able to recognize such trickery. Stable and loving parents are justified in wanting to visit their children; and are often granted joint custody or visitation rights. It might help is the parent seeking joint custody comes to court with a typed proposal highlighting dates and times they are able to care for the child.

Be Fair

Remember to keep the best interest of the child in mind. Do not eliminate the other parent from the picture because you do not like them. Moreover, do not fill children’s minds with untruths about their parents. Many parents make this mistake. However, children are smart. As children become older, they will come to realize that they were alienated from their other parent, which may lead to possible resentment of the parent who gained full custody. Children have two parents, and deserve to have a relationship with both. Be willing to compromise. If an ex-spouse has remarried, do not feel threaten by your children spending time with a new stepparent. Insecurities have caused many parents to become irrational in their thinking and actions. Children will love both of their parents; and regardless of how many new people enter their lives, the love they feel for their parents will never end. Compromise and put aside your feelings. This may mean not getting exactly what you want. Then again, your wants are irrelevant. The children’s wants and needs are the real issue.

Suppress Your Anger

Do not come to court angry. A calm demeanor will make the negotiation process go smoothly. Emotional outbursts or arguing between parents will not look good in front of a judge, and prolong the trial. Come to court prepared to negotiate. Parents seeking sole custody must prepare themselves for a possible joint custody ruling. If this occurs, stay calm. It is not the end of the world. Initially, parents who have had sole custody may be uneasy with the idea of sharing custody. Yet, in most cases, joint custody ruling are more than fair.

Be Realistic

When determining child custody issues, judges listen to both parties, and makes a ruling based on information presented. Rulings are generally fair, and conducted on a trial basis. If necessary, adjustments are made at the end of a trial period. However, parents must be honest with themselves. Children require stability, time, and patience. If a parent cannot fully offer these, they are at a disadvantage to gaining full custody. Prior to appearing in court, both parents should examine their personal situation and consider the following:

Which parent has the most available time to spend with the child?

Does my lifestyle place me at a disadvantage?

Can I offer the child stability?

Am I able to support child financially and emotionally?

Is my home clean and safe?

Can I handle the daily routine of caring for a child?

Honestly answering the above questions will help you determine whether you are the right parent for full custody. Those who answered “no” to one or more of the questions should re-evaluate their motive for wanting full custody. Is your motive based on wanting control, or wanting to make your ex-spouse furious? If so, these are not reasons for seeking full custody. Custody issues are not intended for “getting even,” or seeking revenge. Children are greatly affected, and these trials cause a lot of stress and litigation fees. The first rule of parenting is putting your needs and feelings second to your child’s.