Nobody Ever Expects the Reproductive Crime Unit!
Ethan crossed that line as soon as Rachel appeared through the nebulous spears of light slicing their way from the bathroom. Her long brown hair flowed from beneath a tartan beret, her slender thighs disappeared up into a very short matching tartan skirt, and her imposing breasts were painfully evident as they struggled against the sheerest white silk she’d been able to find and make into a blouse. The most expensive and revealing lingerie that could possibly be found on the black market could not have made her look any more desirable.
After that moment passed, Ethan was as gone as good.
“You haven’t worn that since we took Ethan Junior to Scotland,” he said to her, his eyes making up for all those missed, unspoken moments.
“Well, tonight is sort of special, after all,” she replied after a brief bite of her lower lip, a gesture that somehow united her ravenous side with her coquettish, “and I thought this might make it all the more so.”
“Oh, it does. Indeed it does.” He skipped across the floor to wrap his arms around her and lightly touch his lips against hers. “Have I told you that I love you in the last hour?”
“Yes. I believe it was just about ten minutes ago.”
“Ah. I wasn’t sure. Well, it never hurts to make sure. It also never hurts to throw another one in there every once in a while.” Pulling her body into his, he kissed her passionately. “By the way,” he said upon coming up for air, “I love you.”
“I must confess I was aware of that fact, sir,” she returned with a hiccup of a giggle.
“Well, you should be.”
“Well, I am.”
“Good.”
“So, you going to tell me where you got it?”
He relaxed his grip, causing her to fall off-balance and trip over a castaway pump. Adopting a vaguely Middle-European accent which Rachel eventually realized was supposed to be German, or possibly Russian, he said, “So, that’s your plan, eh? Seduce me into a moment of carelessness with this vixenish attire and then double deal from the bottom of the deck. Ha! Do you take me for a fool, Mrs. Worthington?”
“You must take me for something far worse than a fool if you think I’d dress like this for someone who I thought was a fool.” She stared at him from behind a crooked smile for a moment. “Boy, that was a mouthful, wasn’t it?”
“Let’s just be thankful we’re not actors who have to say that kind of stuff all the time.”
Crossing to the bed, she folded back the down comforter and sat on the sheet, one leg crossed seductively-or so she hoped-over the other. “But seriously. Where did you get it?”
He answered after ogling her legs and disappearing into the bathroom. “Remember about two weeks ago when I told you that Luke ran out of gas when he was making a delivery out in the boonies on the northside?”
Rachel nodded her head and cried out an affirmative so she’d be heard over the rushing torrent of water that meant Ethan would soon be cleansing his teeth of all unwanted particles of London Broil which still stubbornly clung even after one of his thorough flossings.
“Well, you remember I told you that he went to get gas at this run down old station? The kind that used to serve only gas?”
Again she offered a high volume assent.
Through the static of Ethan brushing his teeth, she was able to make out as he went on, “Well, what I didn’t tell you was that as the guy was filling up his gas can for him-if you can believe that, a minor miracle in itself-Luke was waiting around inside to pay him and as he’s waiting he hears this tiny voice call out, and he looks around and sees this little girl standing behind a curtain at the back of the building, only she’s not really a little girl at all, she’s a woman, but a real small and fragile looking woman and when he asks her what she wants, believe it or not, she swings the curtain back to reveal she’s not wearing a stitch of clothing. Stark staring naked, she was.”
“I’ll wager Luke was the one staring,” Rachel called out.
Ethan laughed as he spit into the basin and rinsed his mouth. Upon re-entering the bedroom proper he was minus his shirt. Rachel raised her eyebrows lasciviously at the sinewy sight and added vocal endorsement by way of a supremely feminine growl. “I wouldn’t doubt it,” Ethan continued, not losing a strand of the conversation in the conversion. “Although, I think he does have a fairly steady girlfriend. At least from the way he’s been acting lately. But whether yea or nay it didn’t stop him from straying backward. Anyway, without getting into it too deeply, let’s just say that he apparently did what those rare boys who ever have the occasion do. She provided him with our friend and afterward showed him what he could only describe as a gift counter strewn with the little buggers. Among other things.”
This last piqued Rachel’s interest far more than the preceding and she jumped up to go over to him, helping him off with his pants and asking, with that wonderful lilt in her voice which betrayed her Scottish heritage, “Oh really, like what other things?”
He turned and grinned. “Well, I must admit I always harbored suspicions that deep down inside you were something of a libertine, but I never dreamed-“
“You take that back right now,” she insisted, gesticulating her opinion of this statement by pulling at the elastic band of his shorts and then letting it smack back in place with a pop against his skin.
“All right, all right. I sincerely apologize.”
“Good. Now tell me. What kind of good stuff did she have?”
“Any kind of prophylactic you could ever imagine. In all colors of the rainbow. Red one, blue ones, gold ones. Even black ones.”
“Ooh, those sound sexy.”
Ethan reached down and squeezed her breast. “Does my little non-libertine have hidden fantasies of making love to a member of the human race which once upon a time ran as free as you or me in this country and could be best described as cocoa in flavor?”
Rachel ran a finger along the ever growing bulge in his underwear. “I only have eyes for you, my darling.” Suddenly she wrapped her hand around his tumid member and squeezed hard. “And you’d better always remember that.”
“I love it when you get rough,” he replied.
“Tell me more about the prophylactics.”
“Show me your Reagan’s first.”
Rachel’s lips curled into one of the raunchiest smiles Ethan had ever seen. It was a facet of her personality that he absolutely adored, her ability to go from looking like an innocent schoolmarm to a carnally unsatisfied college senior. She left the top button closed and proceeded to unbutton the rest down to where her shirt was tucked into the kilt, whereupon her breasts spilled through the opening.
“My God, Mrs. Worthington, I have never seen a chest to equal yours.”
“And you never will.”
“I never want to.”
“That’s good. Now, about those-“
“Hundreds of them. All colors. All kinds. Some had ridges on them. Some of them were see-through. And some even had designs.”
“Designs. My goodness.”
“It wasn’t exactly your goodness I was thinking about while I was perusing them.”
“You are so bad.”
“It takes one to know one.”
“What kind did you get?”
Ethan smiled. “My impatient little love bird.”
“Remember, mother’s only keeping the children till ten-thirty. And I definitely do not want to be interrupted.”
“And I suppose you think I do?”
Her eyes looked straight ahead. She grinned. “No. I can definitely see that you do not.”
“Why don’t you get naked. But, uh, leave the beret on. It’s kind of kinky.”
He went over to his dresser and opened the top drawer, sliding his hand around under socks and underwear until he came up with what he’d been looking for. When he turned he found Rachel sitting on the bed, nude but for the beret, calves beneath her thighs, buttocks resting on the heels of her feet. To Ethan, she looked like freshly carved statue of a Roman Goddess. Or perhaps, noticing the curvature of her rear end-and since they were going to be breaking the law anyway-a Greek Goddess.
“My goodness, but you are beautiful.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Holding it up as if for inspection, he muttered, “It’s been a long time.”
“Too long. So let’s not waste a moment more. Come on. I’m ready for you, my love.”
She rolled over and lifted the sheets up and over her body, then patted her palm on the bed. “Let’s make love, free from any thought or care of any consequences save pleasuring each other.”
“Now that’s the best idea I’ve heard all year.”
And it was at that point that Ethan committed the perfectly heinous crime. He reached down and pulled the small rubbery tube over his aroused penis, thereby ensuring-to a point-the blockage of his sperm from entering Rachel’s vagina whereby the reproductive process could be set underway. He then crawled into bed and, with just a kiss separating the moment, slid into her.
He barely had time to make one tentative thrust before his bedroom door was kicked down and the window shattered behind them.
Ethan felt a hand rear his head back as he was pulled out of-and then off of-his lawfully wedded wife. Within fifteen seconds their private sanctuary was invaded by a dozen uniformed men. Ethan was pushed against the wall and made to suffer the ultimate degradation of being arrested by the Reproductive Crime Unit. A surgically gloved man gently held the tip of Ethan’s rapidly diminishing penis between his fingers as another man began taking photographs of it. Across the room he looked, as if through a haze, as Rachel was handcuffed to the headboard, the police making no attempt at all to cover her nakedness.
Suddenly, that alternately exciting and degrading site was replaced by the overly large head of Det. Abraham Burgess.
“You have the right to tell us everything we need to know. You may give up those rights, however, I must inform you that if you do, then the Federal Court of Moral Judgment may decide to exercise its option of castration should you be found guilty. Do you wish to waive this right?”
Ethan shook his head. “No. I’ll tell you everything.”
“Fine. I thought you might. Now first things first. I was wondering if you could tell me just where you got this baby blocker.” And suddenly Ethan felt the condom being ripped off his penis with no amount of compassion whatever. Burgess pushed it up under his nose, forcing Ethan to breathe in the aroma of illicit sexuality.
“I assume you know that under the Morality Code of the United States of God’s Favorites–Section 5, Paragraph 86–that the use of a prophylactic to obstruct the impregnation of a female individual is a capital offense. You just tried to murder a possible baby, Mr. Worthington. Do you know what that means?”
Ethan’s chin trembled as he answered. “Yes, I understand.”
“Are you prepared to make a full confession of your crime as you understand it?”
Ethan looked over at Rachel, her eyes welling with tears as she struggled to free herself of her manacles. “No, you can’t do this!” she screamed. “This isn’t right. This isn’t any of your business!”
But Ethan knew better. They were the ones who had created the laws so it was really nobody else’s business at all.
“Yes, I confess.”
“Take him away,” Detective Abraham Burgess ordered.
“Noooooooooo!” cried Rachel, straining against the silver bracelets confining her to the bed.
“Esther, clothe Mrs. Worthington and get her over to the Breeder Center. She’s still young yet. At a baby a year, she should be good for at least half a dozen more. Maybe as many as ten.” He still held the slightly used condom in his hand. He looked at it and then held it out for Rachel to see. “I don’t know, Mrs. Worthington. All this for maybe at most twenty minutes of accountability-free pleasure? Maybe I’m wrong, but it just doesn’t seem worth it to me. I guess some people never learn there’s no escaping responsibility for your actions.”
Rachel watched Detective Burgess leave her bedroom while RCU Officer Esther Newland picked out a robe from her own closet as if the woman owned the place.
THE END.
