On Avoiding Gossip: The Homo Fama Voros
What does this species look like? Just like you and me. Their uncanny ability to blend so well with the human race is what, for years, has thrown a curve ball in the way of researchers. The homo fama voros appear to look exactly like humans and function like humans, making this species almost impossible to differentiate from humans.
It was not until this year that scientists proved certain that this species positively has different needs than human beings. Noting that the homo fama voros can actually be harmful to humans, this public announcement of the discovery comes also as a warning to humans.
The name homo fama voros is derived from the Latin meaning for “human gossip feeders.” Homo fama voros thrive on gossip. Gossip to them is as oxygen and water are to humans. Scientists haven’t figured out just how yet, but when gossip flows through the ear canals of homo fama voros, it is converted into a vital energy source needed for their survival. This energy is what keeps their cold heart beating, as well as maintains regular function of other vital organs.
Although they do not actually kill the prey they feed upon, homo fama voros are still quite a harmful species. This is because their feeding habits can in fact eat away at certain layers of human beings, such as a reputation. Other side effects of a human being getting feasted upon by a homo fama voros include appearing in a different light to other human beings, a loss of a job or promotion or in the worst case, the loss of a meaningful relationship.
There is a subspecies of the homo fama voros, the homo fama connubium. This species is a little more dangerous. Not only does this species need gossip to survive, but they also draw sexual pleasures from this vicious act. The beings actually need gossip to get off. Hearing about others, processing the information and then spitting it back out creates a feeling of extreme pleasure and in some cases, complete ecstasy. Some women homo fama connubium have even been known to even fake gossip by adding exaggerations and in extreme cases, even making it up. When homo fama connubiums do not have a partner to help get them off, they can enlist the help of several devices such as National Enquirer, Globe and other inanimate gossip dispensers.
As we live in fear among this species, a species that eats humans alive, we will begin to ask, “How can we protect ourselves?” Scientists have already received many questions in regards to killing off this species. Scientists say a species can go extinct in several ways, but they believe that if the food source for homo fama voros is cut off, that leaves little room for survival and they would die off little by little. If human beings were to keep facts, rumors and observations to themselves, they may not accidentally nurture a hungry homo fama voros appetite.
The case of a mass extinction, however, is highly unlikely, according to researchers. They agree that there are more than enough na�¯ve and vulnerable humans to continue to provide an endless food source. A simpler method is just to fend for yourself, and figure out whom, among your everyday acquaintances is a homo fama voros, and avoid them totally.
