On Labor Day Fireworks
As a teenager and young woman, I wanted to get out and like many small town girls thought a relationship rather than college was the solution. Somehow, after plenty of heartbreaks, I was lucky enough to not get nailed down before I got wise and went to Le Moyne College, where I would study English and as little math as possible with a half scholarship and student loans to pay the rest. In those days. Labor Day Weekend meant extra time to write a paper or earn more tips at the restaurant where I worked my way through school. I guess when the past is too close you can’t think about it clearly. Except one summer I took off for a Washington D.C. road trip and Washington Park, where they had fireworks so close and big and bright I thought the ashes might fall down and set the blanket on fire, but I had already moved on to the next place, Arizona, big sky country.
I finished my degree at the University of Arizona, where my husband to be, but then boyfriend and I watched little ridiculous puffs of color from the top of a parking garage in town. “That’s it. They can’t put them up very high because of the fire hazard.” Why did I even bother walking over here, I thought. I’m tired and I have work to do, but I wanted fireworks again when I couldn’t see them and only when I couldn’t see them. Those were my late twenties, hungry.
This year, I try to age gracefully through my thirties and I have thus far managed to not dye my steadily graying hair or think I could pull off a miniskirt. I ride my bike every morning because my doctor tells me staying in shape is important. Every morning I climb on and think who am I kidding. I am getting old, but I will tell you with the gray hair, wide hips and reading glasses old age also brought me a gift. It is the gift of seeing the end and believing in its existence. This year I am going to see the fireworks. I won’t be looking at the past or the future. I will be looking at the fireworks and seeing them.