Online Dating: Writing a Killer First Email
Many online daters are surprised to find that it’s harder to meet a potential new someone than they originally thought. Many guys resort to a numbers game, sending out dozens of generic emails to see who will take the bait. The only problem is that most women can spot these a mile away and won’t even bother responding to an email that seems generic.
So how can guys increase their odds without copying and pasting their way into a woman’s heart? Here’s a step-by-step guide to writing a killer first email that gets results.
FIND THE RIGHT PERSON TO EMAIL
Writing a killer first email starts way before you even type “Hi!” Instead of playing the numbers game and sending a generic email to dozens of ladies, narrow your search down and write a customized email for that specific lady. Believe me, they’ll be able to tell the difference.
1) Use Keyword Searches To Find Girls That Share Similar Interests
Most guys search for potential dates by performing generic searches like “All within 20 miles” and then choosing from there. But online dating sites like Match.com, Yahoo Personals and Plenty of Fish all have a keyword search feature. By performing a keyword search you tap into other online daters who share your interests. So let’s say you do a search for your favorite band “Dave Matthews Band” – the online dating site will come up with a whole list of girls who have listed the same band as one of their favorites.
2) Narrow The Results Down By Plugging In Other Data (distance, physical traits, etc.)
Now you have a list of women that share the same interests. If the list is incredibly long, this is the time and place to narrow it down. Sort your results by distance, last login or physical traits that you find attractive. Read through the profiles of the ones that catch your eye and then figure out which ones seem like someone you would want to date.
WRITING THE EMAIL
1) Short and Sweet is ALWAYS Better
Don’t waste your time trying to make your email a full 100, 200 or 400 words. All you need to make a great first impression is a few carefully written out sentences that will get her to a)Check out your profile and b)Write back because she wants to, not because she feels pressured to. Long emails are great, but only when they come from someone that you really want to hear from. Your first email is just an introduction… so don’t make her feel sorry that she opened your email.
2) Write The Email Using Your Own Tone of Voice
If you don’t speak like this in real life, “Hi. How are you? You are pretty. Do you want to chat?” then don’t write an email in that tone either. The best way to get your distinct tone of voice to translate into the email – speak your email out loud. You’ll probably feel stupid “speaking your email out loud” but it really works. Type as you speak so that you don’t forget what it is you want to say.
3) Don’t Ask a Lot Of Questions… or The Wrong Questions
Many guys ruin their chances by sending emails that say things like “Tell me about yourself”, “What do you like to do for fun?” or even worse, “What’s your favorite color?” They may seem like innocent questions, but most times those answers are already given in the profile. So take the time to read her profile first. Notice the clues she gives about who she is and what she likes, what her goals are, what she’s looking for. If it’s mentioned in her profile… don’t ask again!
4) Avoid Mentioning Her Looks
You may think that she is Jessica Alba’s twin, has the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen or that she’s just a real knockout. But chances are she’s heard those same lines a hundred times before. Save your compliments for the 2nd or 3rd email, after the ice has been broken. If you establish a connection first, your compliments will mean more later.
5) Base Your Email Around a Particular Interest That You Both Share
Here’s an example of an email written to a fellow Dave Matthews Band fan:
So you’re a Dave Matthews Band fan! Pleasure to meet you. I saw them perform live about 2 years ago and it was one of the greatest concert experiences ever. Have you had the chance to see them live yet?
Anyway, I knew that anyone who is a fan of the Dave Matthews band HAS to be great. Feel free to check out my profile and let me know if you’d like to chat a bit more.
Adam
6) Give Her a No-Pressure Chance To Check Your Profile Out and Write You Back
Notice that in the email there was no pressure or pleading for her phone number or even for her to write back. It was just a simple introduction… but because the guy went to the trouble of establishing a shared interest… chances are she’ll be writing back wanting to get to know him better.
I’ve receieved similar emails from guys who ruin it at the last minute by saying something like this, “If you don’t see anything you like, that’s fine too. Good Luck with your search!” Statements like those are big turn-offs because they make you feel like the guy is expecting to be rejected. Be confident… and let your email show that confidence.
So there you have it! A step-by-step guide to writing killer first emails that get results. May it bring you many, many dates – or just the one special date that you’re looking for.
