Overcoming the New Parent Blues
Having your first child is one of the most amazing experiences that anyone can have. It’s also one of the most stressful events in life. It can bring out the most positive and empowering feelings, to the most deep rooted feelings of insecurity and fear.
When you are expecting a baby, your mind fills with images of family bliss, chubby cheeked babies and lullabies, then reality hits and you suddenly come to realize, usually after the baby is brought home from the hospital, and a real wiggly newborn is actually living at your address, that this was one of the only decisions that is truly undoable. With any other major decision there is usually a way to get out or back out of – but a baby? That’s permanent! Suddenly you are the parent, the person who is supposed to be supremely confident.
Even if you don’t think that you will have these feelings, it’s a pretty good bet that you will wonder at some point, Ã?¯Ã?¿Ã?½What did I do?!” Life will never be the same, it will never be the way it was before, and you are not quite sure if you are ready for that. The responsibility, the commitment, it’s a huge step!
Most new Moms and Dads, experience a period of almost grieving over the carefree lives that they are leaving behind. These feelings often surprise new parents, especially when there has been a long period of trying to conceive. It’s normal and healthy to feel this way; if you weren’t a little concerned it would be irresponsible. This shows that you know what a huge responsibility it is to be the two most important people in a new child’s life.
But as time goes along, and you get on with the business of life, your focus changes from thinking of yourself as a selfish solitary person, to thinking of yourself to be an vital member of a new family – Your Family. Nurturing and finding time for yourself are essential, but the importance of being there for your child and spouse becomes unquestionable.
This is also a time when you often find a new found respect for your own parents’ roles in your life. Now you realize that they were individual people with their own hopes and fears before you came along. That everything that you are worrying about right now, they probably worried about years before. Before you became a parent you thought that you understood this, but now you really know.
It’s important to communicate to your spouse these feeling of insecurity, because more than likely they are feeling the same emotions. Patience for each other and mutual respect is paramount. It’s important too to find other outlets to express your emotions from sharing your feelings with a good friend or family member to Internet Message Boards. There are very good on-line resources dedicated to new parents and can be very helpful in expressing concerns. The anonymity of the Internet can actually be a good thing when new parents don’t feel that they can talk to anybody in their lives. It’s comforting to know that whatever your concerns are that there are others feeling the same way you are.
Soon you won’t remember what life was before baby came along. You will think back and wonder what you did with all your time and energy before this miracle came into your life. By taking it one day at a time you’ll realize that confidence comes from just doing what needs to be done everyday, and not the other way around. You’ll soon start to feel so self assured that you may even start to think of what was unthinkable a short time ago – about a possibility of having baby #2!
Of course if the blues last a long time, don’t get better or are disproportionate to reality seek the advice of a mental or health care provider.
