PTSD Rant

Cherrie bombs and M80’s rattled the cage
And woke the sleeping monster
At first just pacing not really causing much trouble
But I can feel it
Oh I can feel it stretching hungry feeling locked up inside me
Powerful fear
Terror that wants to tear my skin off and scream and scream
Raging Raging Raging Raging
At every bad thing that races through my mind in incoherent streams
Like the nightmares that wake me sweating in the early morning hours
I remember everything I want to forget
Every feeling I wasn’t ever supposed to feel
All at once they collide inside me
Overwhelm me
The pain I felt before when it first happened
The pain I only feel when the monster wakes
Stops me in my tracks toward the sun
Undermines me every time
And I spin out of control into an orbit of smoke and tears
Around and around and around I go again
Up and down Ok and not Ok
Outside in the beautiful world and then back under the covers
And no matter how softly I tiptoe through my life
And no matter how many times I forgive
And no matter how much I accept
And no matter how big my God is
And no matter how much I’m loved
And no matter how far away I go
And no matter how hard I try
Something always wakes the monster up