Parenting and Foster Care, to Raise a Child

Parenting is raising a child from birth to adulthood. It includes all the things we know as necessary such as educating, providing physical care, nourishment, shelter, social and emotional development. With foster care, there is no difference. When a parent raises a child, they should always be raised in a loving supportive environment. They should be raised with the expectations that are normal, moral and ethnical.

One of the aspects of parenting that is critically important to the child for the rest of their life is teaching social skills. We talk of social skills as if we are talking about teaching social studies in school. I wish it were that simple. Teaching social skills is teaching how to interact with others. Occasionally you might hear a parent discussing the possibility of providing home schooling. Somewhere in the conversation might be the mention of the child’s socialization. Basically this is learning normal social behavior and being able to interact within ones community. You might find children that like to be by themselves. They may prefer to climb in a sofa with a book rather than play with friends. The parent may want them to do other things with friends for the socialization.

You want your child to grow up with good ethics. By teaching them right from wrong, you hope they will develop good moral judgment. Morality is knowing right and wrong and following your conscience. Your conscience is the part of the brain that helps you with right and wrong. Its one thing to know right and wrong but your conscience is what helps you to choose right over wrong. It is your inner voice that tells you it is not ok to choose wrong. It is your feelings that guide you and tell you to be kind because you will hurt his feelings. It is the part of you that will feel remorse for what you did when you did choose wrong and hurt someone in the process.

What does all of this have to do with the differences between Parenting and providing Foster care? It has absolutely nothing to do with the differences but it has everything to do with the goals of raising ANY child. You need to know what Foster Care is. Foster Care is taking care of children that been removed from their homes for a variety of reasons. This generally is abuse or neglect but it can be other reasons as well. Almost 10 times out of 10, the child will be traumatized by the event. They may be removed under an emergency or for short-term care or for long term care. Everything mentioned above applies to raising both natural children and foster children.

The differences now get a little interesting. For most children raised at home by their own natural family, raising children is pretty much the same. Of course you have your “this is my defiant child and this is the angel” types of children. Each child has his or her own personality and that is great. (Someone once that had Asperger’s syndrome told me that this world would be a very boring place if it weren’t for Asperger’s since so many of our brilliant scientist have Asperger’s.) For raising children in foster care, life is not so easy. If you ask parents of adult children if it were difficult to raise their children, they will all have their stories to tell of the difficult times but for the most part, these difficult times aren’t severe. For foster children, their difficult times often are severe. They often are removed from their natural homes because they were being abused. When young children that are 2-4 years of age are removed from their homes and they ask the Policeman why, often they will have memories of how nice the Policeman was and he told them there is no food here and we are going to take you somewhere where there is food.

If the child was neglected for a year or a couple of years, what is their level of development? Sadly, they often have missed too much of their social development. By too much, I mean they are behind on the development of certain skills that infants get as they are raised. If the mother isn’t taking care of the child, she may not have been during prenatal as well. There are developmental stages during prenatal, first year, second year and so forth. The social and emotional development along any of these stages is very important for future social normalization. You often hear of someone that commits a crime referred to as someone that grew up in a bad environment. A lot of times, someone with this background if it isn’t changed might commit a serious crime and they may get the maximum sentence because it may be referenced that the person had “no remorse”. The conscience development is am important consideration for normal socialization. I’ve heard it said from someone that made some serious mistakes when they were talking about their parents and the environment that they were raised in, “You have to have a license to have a dog but anyone can have a kid”.

Let me leave you with a story. This woman was pregnant and already had a young son that I believe was 3 years old. To get him ready for the arrival of his little sister, the mother would have him lay his head against her tummy and sing a little song that she taught him. Something went wrong with the pregnancy and the baby came early. Too early. The baby was in intensive care and after the first week, she wasn’t doing well at all. They were losing her. The little boy had asked everyday if he could see his sister. Finally news came that she wasn’t going to make it. The little boy asked if he could sing his little song to his sister. The mother insisted that they let him see his little sister since it would be his only chance of seeing her alive. Against the wishes of the staunch head nurse, they let him see her. He asked if he could sing his little song, which again, the mother had to insist on them letting him sing it. As he began to sing in the frail voice of a 3 year old, the baby began to twitch and move her fingers. One of the nurses said, “Keep singing, keep singing!” By now tears were streaming down the face of the staunch head nurse. As he continued to sing, the little girl in intensive care that day receive the gift of life.

Parenting is so much more than can be written in these few words. Just open your eyes to the children around you. I remember going to graduation commencement for a young lady that was graduating with her Master’s degree in Education. She did her student teaching with my wife. At the commencement, the speaker quoted a saying from Africa. Keep this in your heart: “It takes a village to raise a child”.

If you are interested in Foster Care, contact your county department of Social Services for more information. You can also contact private agencies that provide foster care services. Here are a couple of websites for your review as well:
http://www.co.larimer.co.us/humanservices/FosterCare/
http://www.co.el-dorado.ca.us/socialservices/whatisfoster.html
http://www.fosterparenting.com/foster-care/long-term-foster-care.html